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It’s Been Too Long … July 7, 2010

Posted by Rusty in Uncategorized.
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I don’t even know where to begin.  It’s been about 18 months since my last post, and life has gone on, some things have changed, and some things never change.

Mostly the reason I am writing today is that I need to get something off my chest.  A little background is in order, else everyone will be confused.  I left my job with Doc K in January of this year.  More on that later, but it’s kinda relevant to the story.  Doc and I have kept in touch and are still friendly, and we get together every couple of weeks to talk and meditate and trade treatments.

This morning I was waiting for one of my favorite patients to arrive for his appointment with Doc K.  I have missed him terribly, and I am always busy at work when he arrives for his appointment down there. (My new job is in the same bldg.) This morning I was actually waiting on him to arrive so I could say hello.  He was always prompt for his appointments, and he wasn’t showing up, so I texted Doc and asked him if he had an appointment today.  Doc actually came down from his office to talk to me, and said he indeed was scheduled to show up. 

He finally did arrive, half an hour later via a caretaker/driver, using a walker and looking extremely frail.  He was literally a skeleton covered with skin.  When I touched his back, all I felt were bony protuberances.  He wouldn’t look at me, and he wouldn’t answer me.  He was embarrassed for me to see him that way.  I wasn’t sure if he even remembered me, he was in such a sorry state, but I asked him if he did, and he replied “Oh, yes, I remember you!”  I couldn’t bear it any more, I was about to burst into tears because of the state of his health.  I bid him good-bye and went straight into my office and cried.  He’s dying, and I don’t want him to. 

My heart feels so heavy.  He was a curmudgeon when I first met him.  He wouldn’t say hello, and if I had been dying of thirst he wouldn’t have given me a drink.  Just the kind of guy he was.  I broke through his barriers, though, and he became very friendly, even sharing stories of his life with me.   He looked like a miniature version of my own grandfather, which is probably why I was drawn to him, and they both were railroad workers.  I looked forward to seeing him every week – and I believe he looked forward to seeing me, as well.

I fear today will be the last time I ever see him alive.

Excuse me now, the lump in my throat is beginning to swell.

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Comments»

1. kat - July 9, 2010

Kath –

I’m so glad you are writing again. This is just the kind of thing that we need to be able to explore and reexperience through our entries. It is so sad that since the demise of our old journal world, we’ve drifted apart.

My heart is with you through this sad time. I too have just had an experience that I need to share with anyone who is willing to listen. I will probably be writing something soon.

Stay in touch my friend. I was sure I had this blog flagged in google reader, but to make double sure, I reflagged it today. It’s important to me that I not lose you.


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