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Ugh! An Emotional Day. August 20, 2010

Posted by Rusty in Uncategorized.
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I just spent the past 45 minutes crying, talking to my husband and venting.  I’m feeling very emotional today, and kinda “Off” though I can’t put my finger on what the matter is.  Don’t really feel sick, just don’t feel “Right.”  I’m emotional because of issues at work, issues at home, and injecting HCG everyday and being on the diet again probably doesn’t help.  HCG, is, after all, the pregnancy hormone.  Have you ever met a pregnant woman who wasn’t emotional?!  (More on the HCG later.)

Anyway, where to start??

Got home from work yesterday, sat outside talking to Bub.  He told me that he wanted to transfer to Glendale Community College next semester, because it’s closer than University of Phoenix.  I said, “Well, it is now, but if y’all move to those apartments over on McDowell, it won’t be any closer!”  and he said “Actually… D** is moving into those apartments tomorrow.  I’m staying here.”  (I am going to avoid using her name so a search for her name doesn’t bring anyone here.)  You can imagine my surprise!

On the one hand, you never wish for your children to be in bad relationships, especially bad marriages.  I asked if it was a trial separation, and he said “Sorta.”  I am getting the notion she doesn’t really think it’s a separation at all – that this is just more convenient for the time being until they can afford a two bedroom apt.  She rented a one bedroom.  Why?  If the four of them were planning on moving out (Which they were) why in the heck would you rent a ONE bedroom for 4 people?  (Because a two bedroom is too expensive.  Bada-bing!)  When Bub found out it was a one bedroom he told her no way was he moving into a one bedroom apartment with her- and it’s not like he could move in, anyway – the apartment manager reminded them the maximum occupancy is THREE people in a one bedroom.  Gee.  I’m sure she knew that when she rented! 

On the other hand … less stress.  A happier son.  Less frustration. 

There’s so much more in this twisted tale, that I am either too drained to write about, or not really at liberty to discuss in a public forum.  It’s such a mess, and all outcomes of this situation can be considered “Unknown.”   She is supposedly taking the kids with her, however, IF she gets to keep her job, they will be spending the nights she works here, as she gets off work after they are all ready asleep.  

Did you see that big IF?  Yeah, she rented an apartment while she is suspended from work, and unsure if she’ll be able to keep her job once the suspension is over on the 23rd.  Smart move.  Really smart move, Sherlock.  I’ve said it before and unless an act of God changes her, I’ll say it until my dying day:  It’s all about her, and she doesn’t give a damn how/why/who/what it takes to get what she wants.  No matter if your husband says “No!”  Do it anyway.  Story of her life there.  Her motto must be “Just Do It.” 

Bub said he told her he will not “Babysit” the children all the time on “Her” nights because she wants to go out, either.  I’m thinking it won’t matter much.  She’ll just go out (Or entertain at home) on her work nights.  She will only have two “Her” nights a week, anyway, if she keeps her job.  Works out perfectly for her.

She says she is going to continue to take him to school every day, picking up the kids when she picks him up, and then leaving the kids here with him when she drops him off after school.  (I am thinking that’s not going to last long.  “I’m too tired to drive you.  I don’t feel good.  The moon isn’t in the right place.”)  That generally means they will be with their daddy ~20 hours a day five days a week.  That’s not much “Mommy and me” time for the poor kids.  She’ll only have four hours a day to snipe at them, ignore them, and sleep while the television babysits the children.

It suddenly hits me.  That’s why it’s just a one bedroom.  She doesn’t need a bigger place if her kids are going to be here most of the time.  I’m sure she feels the kids will be burdening her enjoying plenty of time with her. 

I’m sorry if I sound bitter, sarcastic and just a smidge angry.  I suppose I am all three!

It’s convoluted, too, because I said she doesn’t seem to think it’s a separation, yet, it seems that is what she wants, since renting only a one bedroom, ya know?   I think my brain is just too foggy from being emotional, so I apologize ahead of time if this post is full of contradictions.

Enough about that mess!

Work.  Double ugh.  We’ve been trying to get the one gal in the office to do a tiny bit more than answer the phone/schedule appointments, play on Facebook and text everyone under the sun all day.  Girl A is entirely overwhelmed with all she has to get done in a day, along with answering the phone and scheduling appointments, too – yet Girl B never offers to help, just throws everything on Girl A’s desk.  They are both full-time.  I am entirely overwhelmed with all that’s on my desk and I too, answer the phone and schedule appointments if one of the other girls is busy with other things, and I am only part-time.  (Technically, full-time, as I work 30 hours a week, and anything over that is [illegal] “Rollover” hours for me, since we can’t get overtime, though each pay period I have well over my sixty hours.)  I go to work an hour early just so I can clean the office and restock the doc’s room, and Girl A doesn’t think that’s right, she thinks we all should share the chores, however Girl B never gets in early enough to sign in the first patient, much less help me clean!  Girl A will often help me, and does her fair share on the days she can.  So Girl A and I conferred and came up with a cleaning schedule last Monday.  Monday’s are my day to clean before work, Tuesdays are Girl B’s day, Wednesdays are Girl A’s and Thursdays we do a deep clean together.  Immediately after Girl A (The office manager) lays down the law, Girl B says, “Well, you both can clean whenever you want, but I clean up on Monday and Tuesday afternoons.” (Which … she does not!!! If she did, I wouldn’t have to clean every morning – the trash is never emptied, the dusting never done … etc)  Um.  No.  The office manager repeated the new schedule.  Tuesday morning, on her day to clean, she doesn’t roll in until ten minutes after the first three patients arrive, so I was left to get the Doc’s room clean, restocked, and get her paperwork done so the patients can sign in!  If I refuse to do my morning routine (Even though now, technically, it’s not just my responsibility) I look bad- like I’m not a “Team player” and like I am unwilling to give a helping hand.    It’s like a Catch -22.  If I complain that she’s not helping or doing her part, then I can be labeled a troublemaker, or a whistle-blower.  Argh!  I love her to death as a person.  Not so much as a fellow “Employee.”  (Quotes because, seriously, how much work is she really doing??)  On Thursday, Girl A and I deep cleaned by ourselves.  Is anyone surprised?  We weren’t. 

Girl A and I only wish we had a moment’s time to log onto FB and update a status or comment on 300+ Most Recent comments.  We both work through our lunch hour most days, just to attempt to get our work done.

We’ve tried to talk to the boss, but he can’t believe Girl B really acts like that (Oh, and by the way, Girl B told the doc since he can’t give her a raise so she can afford an apartment, she was moving in with him.  AND SHE DID!!  Manipulate much?and told us it was something we were going to have to figure out amongst ourselves.    The boss does not realize that Girl A and I are carrying Girl B’s dead weight, yet we can’t refuse to do so, as that, again, makes us look bad and not her!  Here’s another sticky point, too.  I have worked for Doc for four years, though the first 3 years just from home, or occasionally in the office.  Girl A has been there 2 years, and is office manager.  Girl B has been there since January 2010.  I took a pay cut when he was in financial dire straits, and Girl A had been promoted to office manager and was promised a raise.  I was promised my old salary would be restored ASAP.  Girl B whines that she’s not making enough to pay her rent, and she gets a raise – leaving her to earn more than Girl A who is the office managerrrrrrrr, and me, who has been there four years!  We finally confronted him, but only when he asked “How is everything, really?” when we were at a staff meeting that Girl B was too busy to attend.  We told him we were offended, and why, and he gave us each a raise to equal Girl B’s pay.  She does so little work around the office, though, that we still don’t feel she should earn the same salary as those of us who have been there much longer and work much, much harder.

Oh, I could go on for eons about the crappy office politics where Girl B is concerned, but quite frankly, it’s giving me a headache and turning my stomach.  I think eventually Girl B will move on, so Girl A and I will just tolerate this for a while longer and bitch amongst ourselves.

I had a net meeting for 3.5 hours this morning about a potential new job.  Mr F, who was our biller when I worked with Doc K, called me and asked if I would consider doing some billing for another doctor here in town.  Mr F has started selling an EMR (Electronic Medical Records system, for those not in the know) and is trying to get a doctor here in town to buy the system, which the doc is interesting in using, but would prefer to have a local biller.  He is unhappy with his current biller, so Mr F thought of me.  He said if he can get the doc to sign on with this EMR system, would I want to do the billing?  Sure.  Billing is easy peasy lemon squeezy, as the diagnosis codes are provided, all you do is scrub the claim and send it on to the billing clearinghouse.  (I do coding and billing at my current job.)  Mr F said I could easily do his 150+ bills in a couple of hours two or three times a week.  You get paid per bill, not per hour, so since it is literally a 30 second or less scrub/send process with this new EMR, it’s quite do-able, and it’s also a fall-back in case something should happen to my current job.  I am feeling a bit of enthusiasm over this potential job, so I am hoping he can sell the product to him.  (Mr F lives in California.  I might have to go out for a visit so he can teach me the intricacies of the system.  Nice little vacay, if I must say so.  Don’t be alarmed.  Mr F used to live here in town and I know him quite well, and we have an almost seven-year old friendship, so there’s nothing at all to be fearing for my safety or anything like that.  I know he’s not an axe mass murderer, so hush up and sit down. haha)  As an aside, I do not think “Seven-year old” friendship should have a hyphen, but spell check does.

The HCG.  I’m on the last half of my second round of the HCG weight loss program.  Normally it’s a 43 day round, but since I was supposed to have company two weeks ago, I split my round up, mainly so I could drink a beer while floating down the Salt River!  Some companies sell 23 day rounds, and we have done that as well, so I knew it wasn’t going to mess up my loss of weight, and damnit, I was looking forward to saying I had a beer on the Salt!  Ha!  Anyway, I’ve lost 45 pounds so far (Total) and just since Monday alone, five pounds.  I am unsure if I will do another full, or even half round, but I am leaning toward at least one more half round.  I think I could be happy leaving my weight alone after this round is over if I lose the additional 15 pounds as expected, but I also think I might be even happier if I can lose another 10 to 20 pounds the next half round would offer.  We shall see.  I was telling Girl A I wouldn’t be happy until I could see my collar bones.  I wonder if that will take more than 15 pounds?

Just a Thought:

I realize I have little room to bitch and moan and demonstrate such histrionics when so many other people have “it” so much worse than I do.  I can be dramatic.  I tend to get worked up over matters that I can’t control.  I worry myself sick at times, though I had gotten much better at contolling my worry-wartness until recently.  I think the stress of supporting an entire additional family for two years has finally broken the camel’s back.  (I also must admit since late April I no longer provide food for said family.)  I am, however, done worrying with the last period on this post.  It’s out of my hands and I need to remember (again) that worrying changes only one thing … my blood sugars.  I AM DONE.  (See that period?!)


Quick Trip August 15, 2010

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Fort Tuthill was so awesome. The hotel was nice, with the most comfy bed I’ve ever slept in.   The cabins are nestled in among the trees, and to be quite honest, after living in Phoenix for ~13 years, just the fact that our accommodations were surrounded by those trees was enough to make the trip a success for me.  I so miss greenery!! 

Friday evening they had a barbecue with hamburgers and s’mores for all the guests.  We already had plans (And had eaten a late lunch) so we weren’t able to attend the festivities, but we thought that was a cool gesture.  They built a fire in the community fire pit each night, and DJ and I got to enjoy it Friday night while looking at the meteor shower.  Everyone else had abandoned the pit by then, so it was quiet and cozy and we snuggled on the bench while stargazing.  We did see three “Shooting stars” but after the third one we just had to go get some sleep.  It had been a long day.

While we were there, Gun mentioned that they probably won’t be able to come home for Christmas, because they both have to work Christmas Eve and the 26th.  So I got to thinking – we will just try to arrange to bring Christmas to them!  We are contemplating renting the large A-frame and having everyone meet up there on the 24th.  It sleeps 12, and I am hoping Renee, our daughter in law’s mother will join us, too.  It would be so much fun, and even better if it’s a white Christmas!  We can rent snowboards and such right there from the base.  I can’t snowboard, but I can take pictures!  Are ski slopes open on Christmas day??  (Just sitting here thinking … sometimes the slopes are not even snowy enough to be open by Christmas.  Building snowmen and having good old-fashioned snowball fights would be just as entertaining, in my book, though!)  So. we’ll see.  It’s something to look forward to, (Or just dream about)  anyway.

We did some sight-seeing while the kids were at work.  Traipsed around downtown, browsed the overly expensive stores and went out to the Museum of Northern Arizona.  We ate in some pretty cool establishments while we were there, too.  The Galaxy Diner, Salsa Brava and The Place.  All had extraordinary food and great atmospheres.  We missed the Friday night car show at The Galaxy, but will try to catch it next time we are in town.  There were only three cars left by the time we arrived, but that’s ok … it was getting fairly chilly by the time we got there, anyway.

Speaking of chilly – what a treat to get away from Phoenix and all the heat and humidity we’ve had lately!  We enjoyed moderate days and chilly morning and nights.  It was such a pleasure to leave behind nights when the temps are never below “Hot.”  We seriously scanned the papers to get an idea of the price of homes, that’s how much we love it up there.  We’d really just like to get a cabin in the woods, but I don’t think we could even afford one of those.  The run-down homes were more expensive than the homes in our neighborhood here in Phoenix!  There’s a small house up for auction in the kid’s neighborhood, bids starting at $25,000 – but from the looks of the house it probably needs about 100 grand of work!  It wouldn’t be worth it to put in that much work when the surrounding homes probably need just as much work, but won’t ever see any improvements.  Ya know what I’m saying?

There is a community garden at the apartments the kids live in.  It’s just a small patch, but I was extremely jealous!  There was corn  and squash, pumpkins, peas and tomatoes.  So healthy, and not at all suffering from heat stroke like my plants are!  Oh, to have a decent garden again.  What I wouldn’t give!

Just a thought:
Your own guilt may cause you to accuse others unfairly, without just cause.  If you are guilty of something, you tend to think everyone else is capable of the same indiscretions.  You don’t trust, because you, yourself, are untrustworthy.   Think about it.

8 August, 2010 09:29 August 8, 2010

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8 August, 2010 09:25 August 8, 2010

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Disappointed, and I Must Rant August 8, 2010

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In the previous entry I mentioned that we had an old friend coming to visit, and we (Mostly ME) were looking forward to taking some vacation time.  He was first scheduled to be here in Phoenix on June 23rd.  We bought food, made plans, I took some vacation days.  The 23rd came and went, no phone call, no email, no text messages.  First, you worry.  He was supposed to be driving down here – did something happen?  (Typical I’m a mom worry – “Is he dead in a ditch on the side of the road??”) Then I thought maybe he was just spending some quality time with his daughter first, showing her the city, etc.  After two days I called.  He sputtered about plans had changed, there was this & that getting in the way, but!  “I have plane tickets for July 28th.  We will get in after 11pm, so I will call you first thing in the morning on the 29th.”

July 29th.  No word.  I called on July 31st.  He says “I told you I’d call when I got in town!  I’m still in Georgia, my son-in-law had to stay on the base a few days longer, he couldn’t leave.  I will be there on Tuesday.”  I told him I wished he had called me with the change of plans, as I had taken vacation days!  No “I’m sorry”” only “You did?”  Well, duh!  I told you I was taking vacation the first time you told me you were coming to town!  So, we are at two food bills, and two wasted vacation days.  I went back to work. 

“Tuesday” came and went.   Nothing.  Not a peep.  So I checked out his daughter’s FB page to see if she had posted anything like “Man, Fenix is awesome”   She had posted some updates, which told me that A.) He had never been stuck in Georgia, and B.) Just about everything he did say about these proposed trips were a bundle of bald-faced lies.  By this time, though, I wasn’t really expecting him to show, so I wasn’t too disappointed.  I did not call.  I will not call.  He’ll be lucky if we ever speak again, to be honest.  What kind of person does that shit?  If you make plans to go visit someone, is it not common courtesy to call and let them know your plans have changed?  It that too old-school? 

I would have much rather been disappointed by a phone call (Or, hell, even an impersonal email) that told me he just couldn’t make it here at this time, than to find out by not receiving an expected phone call.  Things happen, life gets in the way, I can so understand that.  I cannot, however, understand blatant silence. 

We have (Had??) plans for a huge weekend in November, to go with him and the co-owner of the Delco NASCAR team and sit with them in the suites at the race here.  I’m not even going to count on that happening.  That’s probably all a lie, too.  Maybe it will come into fruition, and if so, I will eat crow and apologize here.


In other frustrating situations, I have about had it with my daughter in law.  She acts like this is her private hotel, staffed with maids, babysitters and laundry facilities.  She treats my son like a virtual slave – and I am not exaggerating!  This is the fourth (YES, FOURTH) weekend in a row that she has been gone the entire weekend, leaving my son to take up the slack.  Now, this weekend, I must admit, she did take her son, but not her daughter (!) to a pool party.  (Gee, favoritism much?) so at least he got to spend a bit of time with her.  Those poor kids.  They never know when she leaves when she will get back.  Could be days (Which has been the case each weekend for the past month.)  She was gone all night (Which is not such a rare occurence around here, even during the week) but did just text my son and tell him to get the kids and get outside – she was waiting on them.  Ugh!  Get the kids ready yourself!  Get off your rear end and act like a mother/wife!!  My son asked me the other day how much a divorce would cost.

The real clincher, I suppose, is that my son tolerates it because he just doesn’t care.  He doesn’t want her to nag him, so he does nothing.  He needs to grow a pair and tell her if she wants to stay married, she needs to start acting like she’s married.  What would you think if your daughter in law was out all night, numerous times per week?  Affair?  Yep, that’s where my thinking is headed.  Why would I not think that?  There have been times she will get a phone call and leave in the middle of the night because someone “Needs help.”  Oh, right. 

I am about at the end of my rope, and I want to tell her that if she wants to act like a single woman, move back in with your mother and see how long you can get away with that behavior. 

On to a happier note – We are looking forward to our trip to Flagstaff next weekend.  We did try to rent a cabin, but they had all been rented out. There is a hotel on the same site as the cabins (It’s a recreation area that is owned by the Air Force base here.  This is why I love being military, even though we are retired.  Perks!) and we got a room there for the weekend.  The cabin would have been loads more fun, but we’ll know better next time and book well in advance.  I am actually thinking of renting a cabin for next summer while we are there this weekend.  Get it for a week and take the day trips they offer to the Grand Canyon, Sedona, and the other local touristy attractions, and then just chill for the rest of the week.  I am so excited to just be getting away from Phoenix for the weekend, and the bonus is we get to see our Flagstaff kids!

Speaking of the Flagstaff kids, they both finally got jobs this past week at K0hl’s.  Yay!  When we go to visit next weekend, though, Kristen  has to work Friday and Gun has to work Saturday.  That’s OK.  We’ll find plenty to keep us amused.  Gun is still trying for the job at S@m’s which has better hours/better pay.  He had to reschedule an interview, though, and left a message for the interviewer, who hasn’t called back yet.  I really wish they had a car, though.  I worry about them riding their bikes at night, especially Kristen.

My co-worker was in a fairly bad accident two weekends ago up in Flagstaff, and she’s been out of work for two weeks.  I am giving her most of my overtime hours so she will still get a paycheck, as is the other girl in the office.  Friday she was going back up to Flag to consult w/a doctor to see if she has to have surgery on her elbow.  I hope she’s just slow in healing, but her elbow was dislocated, and now she gets pins and needles/numbness if she so much as wiggles her fingers.  Poor thing.  She’s been battling her ex-husband over custody issues, too, so the girl is just a wreck at the moment.  I wish there was more I could do to help her out.  She had a court hearing last Thursday and it didn’t go well for her.  She was trying to get the girls in a school mid-way between her house and her ex’s house, so the commute wouldn’t be as bad on either of them, but the judge sided with her ex.  The school the girls currently attend is right across the street from his house, but it’s a 50 minute commute for her.  He refuses to meet in the middle to drop them off, or bring them to her house on her days, so it ends up that she has to do all the driving/commuting to see her girls.  On occasion he would bring the girls to our place of work and drop them off, but those occasions had been few and far between.  Divorce is such a messy issue.  She told me Friday she no longer believes in karma.  How sad is that?  I still believe, and I also believe that karma will come back to bite her ex in the behind – hard.  It might take a while, but what goes around always comes around.  He’ll get his just dues.  He refuses to take any responsibility for their daughter’s near drowning (She was dead for several minutes!!) too, and for that , alone, karma will take him down.  I will rejoice the day it does, too.  He’s a mean, wicked, conniving excuse of a human being.

My former boss is preparing for his move to another state, and in his preparation, he has been working on old medical claims he had yet to file on his patients.  His wife texted me that he was getting a ton submitted to insurance, and she was hoping to be able to catch up on ALL my back pay in a few weeks.  All of it?  Wow!  That’s like 16 or 17 paychecks!  We can get our new floors installed!  Finish up the landscaping and get the new patio poured!  Get our new kitchen sink … maybe even the countertops we have talked about replacing.  Yes!  I am looking forward to a large deposit, but I am not actually counting the chickens before they hatch.  I’ll believe it when I see it. 

Disappointment is a sort of bankruptcy – the bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and expectation.
~Eric Hoffer