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Ugh! An Emotional Day. August 20, 2010

Posted by Rusty in Uncategorized.

I just spent the past 45 minutes crying, talking to my husband and venting.  I’m feeling very emotional today, and kinda “Off” though I can’t put my finger on what the matter is.  Don’t really feel sick, just don’t feel “Right.”  I’m emotional because of issues at work, issues at home, and injecting HCG everyday and being on the diet again probably doesn’t help.  HCG, is, after all, the pregnancy hormone.  Have you ever met a pregnant woman who wasn’t emotional?!  (More on the HCG later.)

Anyway, where to start??

Got home from work yesterday, sat outside talking to Bub.  He told me that he wanted to transfer to Glendale Community College next semester, because it’s closer than University of Phoenix.  I said, “Well, it is now, but if y’all move to those apartments over on McDowell, it won’t be any closer!”  and he said “Actually… D** is moving into those apartments tomorrow.  I’m staying here.”  (I am going to avoid using her name so a search for her name doesn’t bring anyone here.)  You can imagine my surprise!

On the one hand, you never wish for your children to be in bad relationships, especially bad marriages.  I asked if it was a trial separation, and he said “Sorta.”  I am getting the notion she doesn’t really think it’s a separation at all – that this is just more convenient for the time being until they can afford a two bedroom apt.  She rented a one bedroom.  Why?  If the four of them were planning on moving out (Which they were) why in the heck would you rent a ONE bedroom for 4 people?  (Because a two bedroom is too expensive.  Bada-bing!)  When Bub found out it was a one bedroom he told her no way was he moving into a one bedroom apartment with her- and it’s not like he could move in, anyway – the apartment manager reminded them the maximum occupancy is THREE people in a one bedroom.  Gee.  I’m sure she knew that when she rented! 

On the other hand … less stress.  A happier son.  Less frustration. 

There’s so much more in this twisted tale, that I am either too drained to write about, or not really at liberty to discuss in a public forum.  It’s such a mess, and all outcomes of this situation can be considered “Unknown.”   She is supposedly taking the kids with her, however, IF she gets to keep her job, they will be spending the nights she works here, as she gets off work after they are all ready asleep.  

Did you see that big IF?  Yeah, she rented an apartment while she is suspended from work, and unsure if she’ll be able to keep her job once the suspension is over on the 23rd.  Smart move.  Really smart move, Sherlock.  I’ve said it before and unless an act of God changes her, I’ll say it until my dying day:  It’s all about her, and she doesn’t give a damn how/why/who/what it takes to get what she wants.  No matter if your husband says “No!”  Do it anyway.  Story of her life there.  Her motto must be “Just Do It.” 

Bub said he told her he will not “Babysit” the children all the time on “Her” nights because she wants to go out, either.  I’m thinking it won’t matter much.  She’ll just go out (Or entertain at home) on her work nights.  She will only have two “Her” nights a week, anyway, if she keeps her job.  Works out perfectly for her.

She says she is going to continue to take him to school every day, picking up the kids when she picks him up, and then leaving the kids here with him when she drops him off after school.  (I am thinking that’s not going to last long.  “I’m too tired to drive you.  I don’t feel good.  The moon isn’t in the right place.”)  That generally means they will be with their daddy ~20 hours a day five days a week.  That’s not much “Mommy and me” time for the poor kids.  She’ll only have four hours a day to snipe at them, ignore them, and sleep while the television babysits the children.

It suddenly hits me.  That’s why it’s just a one bedroom.  She doesn’t need a bigger place if her kids are going to be here most of the time.  I’m sure she feels the kids will be burdening her enjoying plenty of time with her. 

I’m sorry if I sound bitter, sarcastic and just a smidge angry.  I suppose I am all three!

It’s convoluted, too, because I said she doesn’t seem to think it’s a separation, yet, it seems that is what she wants, since renting only a one bedroom, ya know?   I think my brain is just too foggy from being emotional, so I apologize ahead of time if this post is full of contradictions.

Enough about that mess!

Work.  Double ugh.  We’ve been trying to get the one gal in the office to do a tiny bit more than answer the phone/schedule appointments, play on Facebook and text everyone under the sun all day.  Girl A is entirely overwhelmed with all she has to get done in a day, along with answering the phone and scheduling appointments, too – yet Girl B never offers to help, just throws everything on Girl A’s desk.  They are both full-time.  I am entirely overwhelmed with all that’s on my desk and I too, answer the phone and schedule appointments if one of the other girls is busy with other things, and I am only part-time.  (Technically, full-time, as I work 30 hours a week, and anything over that is [illegal] “Rollover” hours for me, since we can’t get overtime, though each pay period I have well over my sixty hours.)  I go to work an hour early just so I can clean the office and restock the doc’s room, and Girl A doesn’t think that’s right, she thinks we all should share the chores, however Girl B never gets in early enough to sign in the first patient, much less help me clean!  Girl A will often help me, and does her fair share on the days she can.  So Girl A and I conferred and came up with a cleaning schedule last Monday.  Monday’s are my day to clean before work, Tuesdays are Girl B’s day, Wednesdays are Girl A’s and Thursdays we do a deep clean together.  Immediately after Girl A (The office manager) lays down the law, Girl B says, “Well, you both can clean whenever you want, but I clean up on Monday and Tuesday afternoons.” (Which … she does not!!! If she did, I wouldn’t have to clean every morning – the trash is never emptied, the dusting never done … etc)  Um.  No.  The office manager repeated the new schedule.  Tuesday morning, on her day to clean, she doesn’t roll in until ten minutes after the first three patients arrive, so I was left to get the Doc’s room clean, restocked, and get her paperwork done so the patients can sign in!  If I refuse to do my morning routine (Even though now, technically, it’s not just my responsibility) I look bad- like I’m not a “Team player” and like I am unwilling to give a helping hand.    It’s like a Catch -22.  If I complain that she’s not helping or doing her part, then I can be labeled a troublemaker, or a whistle-blower.  Argh!  I love her to death as a person.  Not so much as a fellow “Employee.”  (Quotes because, seriously, how much work is she really doing??)  On Thursday, Girl A and I deep cleaned by ourselves.  Is anyone surprised?  We weren’t. 

Girl A and I only wish we had a moment’s time to log onto FB and update a status or comment on 300+ Most Recent comments.  We both work through our lunch hour most days, just to attempt to get our work done.

We’ve tried to talk to the boss, but he can’t believe Girl B really acts like that (Oh, and by the way, Girl B told the doc since he can’t give her a raise so she can afford an apartment, she was moving in with him.  AND SHE DID!!  Manipulate much?and told us it was something we were going to have to figure out amongst ourselves.    The boss does not realize that Girl A and I are carrying Girl B’s dead weight, yet we can’t refuse to do so, as that, again, makes us look bad and not her!  Here’s another sticky point, too.  I have worked for Doc for four years, though the first 3 years just from home, or occasionally in the office.  Girl A has been there 2 years, and is office manager.  Girl B has been there since January 2010.  I took a pay cut when he was in financial dire straits, and Girl A had been promoted to office manager and was promised a raise.  I was promised my old salary would be restored ASAP.  Girl B whines that she’s not making enough to pay her rent, and she gets a raise – leaving her to earn more than Girl A who is the office managerrrrrrrr, and me, who has been there four years!  We finally confronted him, but only when he asked “How is everything, really?” when we were at a staff meeting that Girl B was too busy to attend.  We told him we were offended, and why, and he gave us each a raise to equal Girl B’s pay.  She does so little work around the office, though, that we still don’t feel she should earn the same salary as those of us who have been there much longer and work much, much harder.

Oh, I could go on for eons about the crappy office politics where Girl B is concerned, but quite frankly, it’s giving me a headache and turning my stomach.  I think eventually Girl B will move on, so Girl A and I will just tolerate this for a while longer and bitch amongst ourselves.

I had a net meeting for 3.5 hours this morning about a potential new job.  Mr F, who was our biller when I worked with Doc K, called me and asked if I would consider doing some billing for another doctor here in town.  Mr F has started selling an EMR (Electronic Medical Records system, for those not in the know) and is trying to get a doctor here in town to buy the system, which the doc is interesting in using, but would prefer to have a local biller.  He is unhappy with his current biller, so Mr F thought of me.  He said if he can get the doc to sign on with this EMR system, would I want to do the billing?  Sure.  Billing is easy peasy lemon squeezy, as the diagnosis codes are provided, all you do is scrub the claim and send it on to the billing clearinghouse.  (I do coding and billing at my current job.)  Mr F said I could easily do his 150+ bills in a couple of hours two or three times a week.  You get paid per bill, not per hour, so since it is literally a 30 second or less scrub/send process with this new EMR, it’s quite do-able, and it’s also a fall-back in case something should happen to my current job.  I am feeling a bit of enthusiasm over this potential job, so I am hoping he can sell the product to him.  (Mr F lives in California.  I might have to go out for a visit so he can teach me the intricacies of the system.  Nice little vacay, if I must say so.  Don’t be alarmed.  Mr F used to live here in town and I know him quite well, and we have an almost seven-year old friendship, so there’s nothing at all to be fearing for my safety or anything like that.  I know he’s not an axe mass murderer, so hush up and sit down. haha)  As an aside, I do not think “Seven-year old” friendship should have a hyphen, but spell check does.

The HCG.  I’m on the last half of my second round of the HCG weight loss program.  Normally it’s a 43 day round, but since I was supposed to have company two weeks ago, I split my round up, mainly so I could drink a beer while floating down the Salt River!  Some companies sell 23 day rounds, and we have done that as well, so I knew it wasn’t going to mess up my loss of weight, and damnit, I was looking forward to saying I had a beer on the Salt!  Ha!  Anyway, I’ve lost 45 pounds so far (Total) and just since Monday alone, five pounds.  I am unsure if I will do another full, or even half round, but I am leaning toward at least one more half round.  I think I could be happy leaving my weight alone after this round is over if I lose the additional 15 pounds as expected, but I also think I might be even happier if I can lose another 10 to 20 pounds the next half round would offer.  We shall see.  I was telling Girl A I wouldn’t be happy until I could see my collar bones.  I wonder if that will take more than 15 pounds?

Just a Thought:

I realize I have little room to bitch and moan and demonstrate such histrionics when so many other people have “it” so much worse than I do.  I can be dramatic.  I tend to get worked up over matters that I can’t control.  I worry myself sick at times, though I had gotten much better at contolling my worry-wartness until recently.  I think the stress of supporting an entire additional family for two years has finally broken the camel’s back.  (I also must admit since late April I no longer provide food for said family.)  I am, however, done worrying with the last period on this post.  It’s out of my hands and I need to remember (again) that worrying changes only one thing … my blood sugars.  I AM DONE.  (See that period?!)



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