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Owning Up January 8, 2012

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So last night I broke down and joined the Jillian Michaels web site.  I figure maybe if I am paying for it, I might actually stick to it.  So far, from what I’ve read, it’s well put together (What did I expect … it is Jillian Michaels!) and simple to follow.  No, I don’t mean the program itself is simple, I mean it’s easy to know what I am expected to do, what my goals are, how many calories I need to eat, and what exercises to do on each day.

Back tracking a minute, here.  When Blaine and his wife moved out of their apartment a few weeks ago, The Hub and I borrowed their elliptical machine.  I’ve been wanting to try this particular machine (Hint – Youuu cannnn doooo ittttt) before I shelled out the bucks for one.  The first time I got on, a week ago, I could barely do two minutes without feeling like my legs and arms were about to fall off.  I’m SO out of shape.  I do nothing but work, eat and sleep, or collapse on the couch when I do get home from work.  I did about ten minutes total that day, jumping on for two-minute sessions whenever I felt the urge.  It’s gone that way most of the week – except on Friday I actually could stay on for five minutes each time I stepped on.  Progress.  Tiny steps.  Today I actually managed to stay on for 20 minutes!  Go me!  Yesterday was my “Day of rest” because you have to pick two “Off days” for the week.  I would have liked to pick  Tuesdays and Thursdays, the days I actually go in to the office, because I am always tired when I get home, but that wasn’t an option.  I had to pick Tuesdays and Saturdays.  Thursdays would be awesome, though, because I will be starting back to school in a few weeks and my class is on Thursday nights.  Oh well, I will make it work some how.

My food intake is horrible.  I have trouble taking in enough calories.  I’m supposed to be eating around 1200 calories a day, and today I was 737 calories below my goal.  A few years ago I was using “Spark People” to track my exercise and eating, and they’d actually cyber-yell at me with little notes that I was not eating enough.  (As I type I am developing a mild headache, probably from lack of enough calories, but it’s too late in the day for me to eat anything and not have my sugars be totally out of whack at bedtime/in the morning.) 

Anyway, I am owning my weight problem.  I am tired of being FAT and feeling like crap.  I’m not an emotional eater, I’m just a bad eater.  I don’t eat enough, though I don’t feel like I am trying to starve myself.  I just get full very quickly, and tend to forget to eat all together.  There will be days when I have to think very hard to even remember if I had anything for lunch.  I am going to try my hardest to start eating breakfast everyday, even though the morning meal usually makes me severely nauseated.  I did pretty good this week.  I made a batch of low carb waffles using whey protein on Monday, and simply heated one up each morning.  I’m going to try a veggies and egg white omelet tomorrow.  I’ve never been real fond of egg white omelets, but maybe I can stomach one with some veggies thrown in.

Why are weekends so short?  I always have things I need/want to take care of, and I never seem to get much done.  I did manage to get my laundry done this weekend.  I made my Christmas Gift Tag scrapbook pages, paid some bills and got the first floor cleaned up when my boss said he was stopping by Friday night after rounds.  Everything except my desk, which is a disaster area.  It should be condemned. 

When the grandkids found out Doc was stopping by they were so excited.  Pipe said she was going to draw him a picture and Gav said “I could just hug him all day!”  Kids just love him, though you’d think with his size they’d  be intimidated.  He’s a big man – tall and very broad-shouldered.  But he does give the best hugs ever, and the kids must feel like a big ole teddy bear is wrapping them in his arms.  It took me a very long time to get used to his hugs – I’m not all that huggy of a person.  It made me very uncomfortable  (and I did tell him that) but I came to realize it’s just him.  He’s a hugger, and now I am quite used to them.  It all goes back to me being over weight.  I don’t want people feeling my fat when giving me a hug.  I have to know they accept me as I am before I trust them enough to give me bear hugs.  Ugh.  low self-esteem just sucks.

Onward toward a better tomorrow. 





Pretty New Hair January 3, 2012

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Brock and I did go and get our hair cut today.  I was expecting “Tsks” and “Oooh, girl, your hair is nastay!” but the girl cutting my hair kept saying how beautiful, thick and bouncy it was.  She cut off about 8 inches, so all the old perm is now gone, and my own curls are mysteriously gorgeous.  I got the perm because my hair lost it’s curl in this arid desert I live in.  My hair was 3 inches long when I got the perm (See Bryce’s graduation pictures – that was my perm.) but that was almost three years ago.  My hair grew out, and it was curly all the way to the roots.  I figured the perm kinda “Helped it along,” but it’s still curly and the perm is completely gone.  It does look so much better with all those dead ends gone.  She cut in long layers.  I can’t wait to blow it out and see how that looks.

I ended up working the majority of the day, despite my trip to get my hair cut.  I finally logged off my work computer at 5:38.  It was supposed to be my last day off, and I had said I wouldn’t work all day, but I did.  Tomorrow I will have tons of insurance billing to do, as Doc filled my inbox with charts that needed coding.  I printed off two weeks (+) of charts to bill, so that’s what will fill my day tomorrow, IF I don’t have to go in to the actual office.  I have a feeling I’ll get called in. 

Karma.  We’ve all heard the saying “Karma is a bitch.”  Quite frankly, I SO believe in karma.  It always comes back to you, and those who you pray “What goes around comes around,” eventually get their dues paid by karma. 

Case in point:  Since the day I found out my (hopefully soon to be EX) daughter in law was cheating on our son while we babysat for her, I have not seen her eye to eye or spoken a direct word towards her.  I fear if I ever see her karma will be paying me back in an unkind way, because I’m not exactly sure what I would say or do.  I’ve gone over it time and time again, but in the end, I always remind myself that I would be no better than she is if I were to “Go off” on her.  Anyhoo – Since she moved out, things have not been very good for her.  She lost her apartment when Brock didn’t go to summer school and had no stipend from the Army.  She has lived several places, getting kicked out or leaving each place.  She has no contact (Well, no GOOD contact) with her mother and step-father, her aunt or her best friend (her cousin) because of the stupid family customs wreaking havoc in their lives  they are all insane.  At any rate, she eventually ended up at her step-grandmother’s home.  Yesterday her step father went over to his Mother’s and told her she must make Dee move out.  I’m not sure how he convinced her, but now Dee has nowhere to live.  She spends every dime she makes, lost her vehicle for non-payment, has collection agencies calling, and now she’ll be homeless.  She burns her bridges thoroughly, making enemies along the way, so she’s in a real bind now.  I am waiting for Brock to tell me she asked him to get an apartment together, again.  She did this a few months ago, saying she wanted to “Work things out” and Brock flat-out told her he was not interested at all.  She said it was “For the kids.”  She sure wasn’t thinking about the kids while she was out whoring herself all over town. 

Karma.  Yeah.  It’s a bitch.  (A lovely bitch.)


What Day is it, Anyway? January 3, 2012

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Since being on “Vacation,” I use the term loosely, as I have worked quite a bit from home during my “Time off,” I have lost track of the days several times.  If I didn’t have a pill-box for my daily medications, I’d never know what day it was!  I am ready to return to a normal schedule!

I need a hair cut.  It’s been three years since I had anything done to it, and the ends are fried and breaking off.  I’m not sure if I will go really short again, or let it grow for a another year or so before getting it all cut off again.  It’s down to the middle of my back right now.  Maybe just a trim with some long layers cut in.  Such decisions.  (Haha!)

I’m preparing to start a Medical Coding and Billing class.  Seems ironic since I have been doing coding for over 8 years, and billing for three.  Nothing like putting the cart before the horse.   There’s still plenty to learn, since I learned all I know on my own – and this way I can take my certification tests.  I’m looking forward to it,  actually.  I need to order my books today and I will be good to go for the Feb 1st start date.  I should be certified by the end of May.

Here at home we’ve been in the “We need to get this taken care of” stage.  Yesterday Hub fixed my broken couch (All the screws came out of one end of the hide-a-bed, so the seating was unsupported.  It’s no wonder, they used flimsy 1 inch  dry-wall type screws to support the bed and the weight of whom ever is sitting on it!  Hub replaced them (On both ends) with much thicker and stronger screws, and we are once again able to practice couch potatery in comfort.  

We also trimmed up the Lantana and natal plum bushes, pulled out a dead bush morning glory, and weeded the rock gardens.  We wish we could re-landscape the front rock beds, however that would mean getting HOA approval, and eh.  Who needs the hassle?  I swept the leaves from the Chinese Elm into a pile – it’s impossible to rake in the rocks, and the broom actually worked quite well.  I’m sure the spying neighbors thought I was nuts, but I don’t own a decent leaf blower/vacuum.  I think I’ll put that at the top of the “Buy this soon” list.  We need to plan out how we are going to finish the patio extension, and buy a few tons of gravel to finish off the xeri-scaping of the back yard.  Fun stuff.  I haven’t mentioned to the Hub yet that I also want the extension to have a path back to the raised bed planter, and the eventual bench between the ash trees, but I can work that in rather easily, I think.  I hope.  I want.  Heh.

My little Zippy (My beloved Escape) had to go in for servicing of the emissions system on Thursday.  It’s the first time I’ve had to have anything worked on – and heavens to Betsy, it was dear to my wallet!  Hub couldn’t fix the problem as he would have had to pull the entire engine out to reach the problem area.  We just aren’t set up for that any more.  Speaking of which (i.e. working on things in the garage … ) once the eldest son gets moved into his new house we are going to ask if he can please remove his items from a.) the garage, b.) my craft room, c.) the loft, and while he’s at it, take your little brother’s stuff and store it in your garage so Hub can once again work on his motorcycle to get it road worthy.  Ugh!  We are so tired of our home being over-run with our adult children’s belongings.  It’s already old that the middle son and his children live here, and all their belongings fill the two spare rooms, my craft room and half the garage and the entire loft.  The other bits and pieces from the other two boys is just growing old now.  Get your stuff or we get rid of it.

What happened to being empty nesters?  Does it even exist any more?  It looks like we’ll be having “house guests” for the next several years, and quite frankly, it’s not something we are looking forward to.  Sure I love having the grandchildren in close proximity, but across the street would be even better!   With the exception of about 18 months, the oldest grandchild has lived with us her entire life.  Perhaps if we had a family compound living arrangement this would have worked out fine, but we built our house thinking the older two had moved out for good, and the youngest only had a few years left in school.  The house isn’t big enough for three adults and two growing children.  I guess we just have to make due with the situation that we’ve been handed.  That cabin in the woods is looking better and better.  Oh, to dream!

I’ve got to log on to my work computer and get busy.  Sigh.  I can’t imagine what it would be like to REALLY have a vacation from work.




New Year … New Posts? January 2, 2012

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Welcome 2012! I’d like to get back into journaling, on a more regular schedule. Hopefully I can make the time to do this in 2012. Life is ever changing and I haven’t been as committed to jotting it all down the past few years.