Owning Up January 8, 2012Posted by Rusty in Uncategorized.
Tags: being FAT, Diet, exercise, Jillian Michaels, low carb diet, low carb eating, poor eating habits
So last night I broke down and joined the Jillian Michaels web site. I figure maybe if I am paying for it, I might actually stick to it. So far, from what I’ve read, it’s well put together (What did I expect … it is Jillian Michaels!) and simple to follow. No, I don’t mean the program itself is simple, I mean it’s easy to know what I am expected to do, what my goals are, how many calories I need to eat, and what exercises to do on each day.
Back tracking a minute, here. When Blaine and his wife moved out of their apartment a few weeks ago, The Hub and I borrowed their elliptical machine. I’ve been wanting to try this particular machine (Hint – Youuu cannnn doooo ittttt) before I shelled out the bucks for one. The first time I got on, a week ago, I could barely do two minutes without feeling like my legs and arms were about to fall off. I’m SO out of shape. I do nothing but work, eat and sleep, or collapse on the couch when I do get home from work. I did about ten minutes total that day, jumping on for two-minute sessions whenever I felt the urge. It’s gone that way most of the week – except on Friday I actually could stay on for five minutes each time I stepped on. Progress. Tiny steps. Today I actually managed to stay on for 20 minutes! Go me! Yesterday was my “Day of rest” because you have to pick two “Off days” for the week. I would have liked to pick Tuesdays and Thursdays, the days I actually go in to the office, because I am always tired when I get home, but that wasn’t an option. I had to pick Tuesdays and Saturdays. Thursdays would be awesome, though, because I will be starting back to school in a few weeks and my class is on Thursday nights. Oh well, I will make it work some how.
My food intake is horrible. I have trouble taking in enough calories. I’m supposed to be eating around 1200 calories a day, and today I was 737 calories below my goal. A few years ago I was using “Spark People” to track my exercise and eating, and they’d actually cyber-yell at me with little notes that I was not eating enough. (As I type I am developing a mild headache, probably from lack of enough calories, but it’s too late in the day for me to eat anything and not have my sugars be totally out of whack at bedtime/in the morning.)
Anyway, I am owning my weight problem. I am tired of being FAT and feeling like crap. I’m not an emotional eater, I’m just a bad eater. I don’t eat enough, though I don’t feel like I am trying to starve myself. I just get full very quickly, and tend to forget to eat all together. There will be days when I have to think very hard to even remember if I had anything for lunch. I am going to try my hardest to start eating breakfast everyday, even though the morning meal usually makes me severely nauseated. I did pretty good this week. I made a batch of low carb waffles using whey protein on Monday, and simply heated one up each morning. I’m going to try a veggies and egg white omelet tomorrow. I’ve never been real fond of egg white omelets, but maybe I can stomach one with some veggies thrown in.
Why are weekends so short? I always have things I need/want to take care of, and I never seem to get much done. I did manage to get my laundry done this weekend. I made my Christmas Gift Tag scrapbook pages, paid some bills and got the first floor cleaned up when my boss said he was stopping by Friday night after rounds. Everything except my desk, which is a disaster area. It should be condemned.
When the grandkids found out Doc was stopping by they were so excited. Pipe said she was going to draw him a picture and Gav said “I could just hug him all day!” Kids just love him, though you’d think with his size they’d be intimidated. He’s a big man – tall and very broad-shouldered. But he does give the best hugs ever, and the kids must feel like a big ole teddy bear is wrapping them in his arms. It took me a very long time to get used to his hugs – I’m not all that huggy of a person. It made me very uncomfortable (and I did tell him that) but I came to realize it’s just him. He’s a hugger, and now I am quite used to them. It all goes back to me being over weight. I don’t want people feeling my fat when giving me a hug. I have to know they accept me as I am before I trust them enough to give me bear hugs. Ugh. low self-esteem just sucks.
Onward toward a better tomorrow.