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I’m SO Over It April 29, 2014

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I’m tired of feeling bitter, resentful and angry.  I don’t know how to change it, without moving out until my house is guest free.  Being this way is not my norm, and it’s wearing me down. 

I’m so over trying to make other people happy, helping and providing.  I spent more money than I should have buying clothes for my granddaughter’s birthday.  Her birthday was nearly three weeks ago, and only once has she worn any of the nice clothes I bought her.   I’m documenting this here – I WILL NEVER BUY HER CLOTHES AGAIN.  EVER.  I’m plumb out of desire to waste my money.  OK, i’m a horrid person for refusing to provide clothing, but why spend the cash if the clothes are relegated to the far end of the closet by my daughter in law?  Ugh!

I’m hard pressed to be excited about the grandchild on the way.  I feel badly about that, but at this point in time, it only means yet another person being brought into the house.  The Hub doesn’t really want me to buy anything for the new wee one, either.  He said “We already set up his first two kids.”  It really ires us that this whole situation was not well thought out at all.  The actions of our son effect not only him, his new wife and children, but the rest of the family, as well.  He’s constantly needing rides here or there, and to work.  He has no spare money to buy anything for this baby, or INSURANCE for prenatal care.  The damn immigration paperwork was costly at over seventeen hundred dollars, which they had to take out a “Loan” with a credit card.  Her temporary visa expired on the 24th, but supposedly as long as her immigration papers are submitted by that date, she’s OK.  Why did it take six months to submit those??? 

Who the hell is going to pay for the birth of their child???

On to other things.

I had a diabetic check up on the 4th of the month.  All was well there, my HbA1c dropped another few tenths of a point, and I was even taken off one of my diabetes meds.  On that date, I had lost 8 pounds from being on this diabetic diet we are on, but I was also fairly ill with a hacking cough, which occured every time I took a breath.  The doc was more concerned about my O2 sats being 91 than my diabetes, I think.  She ordered a chest x-ray, gave me a breathing treatment (Which only made my O2 sats drop) and sent me on my way.  Seven days later I got a call from her nurse saying I had pneumonia, and please come get a script waiting on me at the pharmacy.   Why did it take a week to notify me??? This was Thursday night at almost 5 pm, and I had EVLT scheduled for my right leg at 8 am Friday morning,  When I got to the vascular surgeon’s office, they canceled the procedure due to the pneumonia.  (Sigh)  The left leg was scheduled for the following Friday, and I did have that done.  (May I just say O.U.C.H.)  So, yesterday I went back to the doc for my follow up, and I still have pneumonia!!  Another chest xray, some labwork, and more meds.  Oh, and I lost 8 more pounds!

I’m still walking every week day morning.  I love being outdoors!  There are some really awesome birds at the park, too!  A great blue heron, and a water fowl I saw this morning that I need to research – it was beautiful!




Polymer Clay V March 11, 2014

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Polymer Clay V

Scrap clay earrings – I really like how they turned out!

Polymer Clay IV March 11, 2014

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Polymer Clay IV

Blue and yellow pendant.

Polymer Clay Jewelry III March 11, 2014

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Polymer Clay Jewelry III

Another pendant

Polymer Clay Jewelry II March 11, 2014

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Polymer Clay Jewelry II

Another pendant. Worth putting on Etsy??

Polymer Clay Jewelry March 11, 2014

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Polymer Clay Jewelry

Made this one for my daughter in laws birthday this Saturday.

March 11, 2014

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We’ve been changing our eating patterns by using  a new lifestyle diet for diabetes (I don’t wnt to name names) and so far it’s been fairly easy, except for the whole eating every few hours part.  I have the hardest time remembering to eat my “Snacks” between meals.  I”ve never been a breakfast person – but I’m required to eat within an hour of getting up – SO difficult.  We’re on day ten today, and I’ve had real trouble with low blood sugars.  Last night before bed they were 57!  You are required to eat right before bed, as well (and in the middle of the night if you are up) so I decided I had better eat one of my “Carb counters” for my bedtime snack to get my sugars up a bit.

You aren’t supposed to weigh yourself the first eight weeks, but it’s a habit hard to break.  Up until this morning I hadn’t lost any weight, but miraculously, this morning the scale was down four pounds.  Go me!  Four pounds is just a drop in the bucket, an now I am not going to weigh myself again until the first eight weeks is over. 

Yesterday I was mysteriously sick.  Fever, lightheadedness, weak, nauseated, (Is that even a word anymore?  I see so many using “Nauseous” instead) and freezing all day, despite the beautiful outdoor temp of 82 degrees.  (What?  Wordpress doesn’t allow alt symbols now?  Geesh!!)  My sugars were within range, if not a little higher than norm for me (127 was the highest), but I just felt like crap all day.  I just wanted to sleep.  I did nap for an hour before dinner.  I’m feeling a bit better today, though I do believe I am still feverish.

The situation at home is a bit more tolerable. (I think I’ve just resigned myself to the way things are!)   Brock got a job (Security) with a temp post last week/this week.  He just got a call today for a full time position – with medical benefits!  Yay!!  Hopefully they’ll be able to be in their own place in a few months.  I know they won’t be too far, because they want the kids in the same school.  

I’ve been keeping myself busy with making polymer clay jewelery.  I’ll post a picture post of some of my work after I post this one.  I’ve also been knitting/crocheting – and actually have a commission making a scoodie (Scarf and hoodie in one) for a friend of my sister in law, who I sent one to last week.  


Just Another Day in Paradise February 18, 2014

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Enjoying my new “Hobby” this morning I heard a police officer ask if he could go to channel three.  The dispatcher “10-4’d” his request, and a minute later he went back to channel one and said, in a tearful voice (But obviously “Playing”) “No one is responding on channel three.  (Pause)  :::Sniffle::: I feel so all alone!”   Hahaha!  Every time I think about it, I truly laugh out loud.

So my best buddy here in town gave me a box full of stuff last week when I went to visit.  Knitting books, a flip book calendar with 365 projects, but most fun – polymer clay, clay tools, and a bead drying rack.  I have been looking at all these items on amazon, because I have clay I bought last year, and I’ve been wanting to make my own beads.  There’s a few things I need before I can get started, but I’ve been reading up on it, so I will be prepared.

Ok.  ARGH.  Last Thursday I had planned a trip to WallyWorld to look around and hopefully bring home some strawberry plants.  I was REALLY looking forward to some “ALONE TIME.”  I’m getting ready to go, and my son states “I am going to go with you, I need a few things.”  I say “I am not going to hurry, I was planning on looking around.”  He says “That’s OK, we can hang out.”  Shoulder droop.  Tears welling.  Can I ever get a break?

Soooooo, this morning I am planning on a run to the craft store, to compare prices on things in my shopping cart on amazon, and the few things I need to get started on the bead making.  Yessss!  Alone time at last.

Yeah, right.

My son just told me he is going with me, he wants to run in Target for some things.


I feel rushed when I am not alone.  I feel like I have to hurry through so I don’t inconsiderately make people wait on me.  Even when “Take your time” is stated by the accompanying party.  Blast.  I can’t plan anything without a wrench being thrown in the mix.  I just told him I’d rather run him up to the corner, and explained why, and now he’s kinda pissed.  Says he didn’t want to ruin my plans.  Well, you did!  (Amended – he just huffed out of the house with his backpack, to walk to the store.)

So sick of all of this.  It makes me want to put the house up for sale and move.  I’m afraid he’d come with, though.  Haha.

I can’t remember what I wrote in my last post, but have I dropped the latest bomb yet?

They are expecting.

Sssh.  They haven’t told anyone but me.

I’ve started working in the garden with all this lovely weather we’ve been having.  We trimmed the overly large lantana and it filled the entire bed of the truck.  It was that large!  I’ve planted some morning glory, giant allium and moonflower seeds.  I have a few volunteer sunflower seeds that have sprouted.  I bought my strawberry plants, and need to get them in the vertical planter.  I love spring, simply adore it!  I need to get my patty pan squash, cucumbers, okra and summer squash planted.  My lemon tree is bursting with blossoms.  I still have scads of tomatoes on my plants from the fall.

:::Happy dancing:::  Not much makes me happier than working in the garden!

Obsessions February 1, 2014

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Let’s just throw this out there an get it over with. I have an addictive personality. I find something and obsess ….( kinda like I am currently obsessing about the damn “D” key on this freaking keyboard. I have to nearly pound it through the desk to get it to work.)
Anyway, I digress.

I have been listening to the local police band – and if I don’t have it on, I wonder what’s going on. Is there something near I should be worrying about? Is there an accident on the route I need to take? Is there another man laying in the road the next street over? What’s with all the kids sitting on the curb with suitcases and crying? I hear sirens close by – what’s happening?? I need to know!! So now I want to be a police dispatcher when I grow up! I’ve seriously considered looking into it further. I’ve been learning the lingo, and have my spreadsheets, so if I don’t recognize a code, I can look it up. Yep. Obsessed.

I’m also obsessed with knitting my awesome sweater. It’s been slow going, but I am finally almost done with the short rows on the back – and cable stitches are next. Hooray!! I now know why I never make anything for myself. I need “Quick” projects. I get bored with these big boring panels of gazillions of stitches. Well, I wrote that early this morning before we left to grocery shop, and I am happy to say, I have completed the back of the sweater from the armpits down the top is cabled and knit from cuff to cuff – and I will be starting that in a few minutes. I can’t wait. I had to stop knitting to make dinner. Sometimes The Hub feels hungry and wants to eat. Ha.

So …. Guess who is pregnant????

I’ll let you ponder that until next time. There’s an armed robbery in progress and I need to get the details!

Seriously?! January 27, 2014

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Pancake mix plus water, stir, let sit for a minute or two.  Cook six pancakes.  Total time – what … ten minutes?  That’s you or me.  My daughter in law has been in the kitchen and/or eating for almost TWO HOURS.  How freakin’ long does it take to eat three damn pancakes????  Over forty minutes on that aspect, alone.

I bitch.  I bitch to myself, to my husband, to my other daughter in law, to my BFF;  Really … any one who will listen!

I bitch because there are things I have wanted to do for three weeks that require some time in the kitchen – like, a few hours.  The problem is, I cannot get a window of time that long.  She eats every two hours, and it’s never a “Quick bite.”  It’s a long drawn out process…… EVERY FREAKIN’ TIME.

I need to make some apple cinnamon jelly for a “Pay it forward” thing I signed up for (Send a gift to 5 people within the next 12 months, but if I don’t do it soon, I will forget!)  and I also need to put together some soup in a jar for the same purpose.  I’ve already knit two hoody scarves for the same project, (Since I can’t, ya know, get into the kitchen) but I want to get this other stuff done and over with.  I have some homemade “No more cold hands or feet” salve I need to make before I no longer need it because it’s hot outside.  (I’ve had those ingredients since before Christmas.)

OK – so I am not planning on doing it today (I am cleaning out/re-arranging my craft room, and moving in a huge wall unit from the living room, which means I have to clean that and the living room, too,) but I’m just making a point here.

That point would be MOVE YOUR ASS FASTER!

I’m not a horrible person, really.  I just want my life back.  I want my house back.  I am tired of raising kids who are not mine.  I want to be a grandmother, not a surrogate mother.  If the spirit moves me, I want to get up and go in my kitchen and make something.  Or clean something.  Or stare at the freaking walls if that’s what I feel like doing.  I want to put my pj’s on at seven pm and watch television in the loft, or downstairs, instead of being holed up in my bedroom, recluse-like.

I am becoming bitter and I hate feeling this way.  I’m not enjoying my life.

I want to be able to spend time, alone, with my husband without having to leave our own home to do so.  We have to make up excuses to leave the house to get our bearings, to get quiet time, to get to sit next to one another uninterrupted.  It’s to the point we’d rather not be at home.  How sad is that??

Rant over!

Thanks for listening, I feel better already!

Other things in my life:  My podiatrist has referred me to a vascular surgeon for a diabetic eval.  He said it’s only because I should have a yearly vascular exam because I am diabetic.  I’m not sure what to expect, I’ve got to Google it to find out, I suspect.  I do know I have to drink lots of water this week, as my appointment is next week and there will be some kind of ultrasound, and they said they want me well hydrated.  I also have my yearly diabetic eye exam next week.  I hate having my eyes dilated – I can’t see properly for hours and hours afterward.

I am knitting a very beautiful, full of awesomeness sweater for myself.  I rarely knit anything for myself, but I saw this sweater and fell in love.  I had to knit 13 inches of simple, but tiresome stockinette stitch, and it seemed like it took forever.  Now I have another five inches of “ss” setting up pleats on the same panel.  Ugh.  One hundred seventy-six stitches back and forth – so boring!  I just want to get to the fun part – cables!

I’m itching to get out and work in the gardens.  I should get some seeds started indoors in the next few days.  I’ve got some branches that need trimming, too.

I think breakfast is finally finished downstairs, so I need to go get some lunch …. while I can.  Yeah, her breakfast is my lunchtime.