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Sometimes, You Can’t Turn it Off June 19, 2014

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I slept poorly last night.  My mind just would not shut off.  Every time I was on the verge of drifting off, my thoughts would wake me up.  When I finally did fall asleep, every hour had me waking up to go to the bathroom.   I guess that’s one of the consequences of drinking over 128 ounces of water every day. 

Anyhoo, my thoughts were troubled.  This would be okay if I actually had a reason to be worried.  In the throes of sleepiness, though,  the mind plays nasty tricks.  I had to go in for my bloodwork today, for my diabetes check up on 1 July.  I also needed to schedule a mammogram,  remember to pick up my insulin at the pharmacy, and also have bloodwork done for Celiac’s Disease for my GI doc.  I was afraid I was going to forget something.  I hate forgetting things!  Yeah, I forgot the paperwork to have my celiac’s bloodwork done.  That’s ok, though, I’ll have it done when I go in for my check-up.  It’s really not a big deal, even if I had forgotten more than a piece of paper – so I wish I had not been awake all night (wasting my time) worrying.  I was almost in a panic, I was so worried.  I’m tired!

Normally, my fasting glucose is on the high (Ok, sometimes very high) side.  It’s got to do with carb load, and if one does not consume carbs every five hours, your liver will make sure to release about six times as much sugar as your body needs, raising your blood sugar exponentially.  This won’t make sense unless you are versed in how diabetes affects your body, but I need to eat a carb before bed, else my sugars will be high in the morning.  Because I had to fast for my bloodwork, I couldn’t eat my nightly carb, and was therefore concerned about how high my sugars would be this morning.  To my surprise, they were actually very low this morning.  Too low.  Eat something right away, low.  I was shocked.  Even when I tested upon arriving home, they were only 81.  Because my sugars were so very low, I was weary of driving to the hospital.  I was so shaky.  (I just wanted a cup of coffee!!) I made it there in one piece, but of course forgot to bring my snack, to jump up my sugars after my lab work.  It sucks being forgetful! 

I’m so anxious to get my lab results.  We’ve been on this new eating lifestyle since February.  Hub’s HbA1c dropped a full point at his last appointment, two weeks ago.  I’m hoping to do as well with my own HbA1c.  I don’t think I will drop a whole point, like he did, but I am expecting a drop, nonetheless.

I’m still walking, and I’ve surpassed the three mile mark each day.  Yay!  On Tuesday I actually jogged a short distance, twice, during my walk,  I not only increased my distance, but decreased my time.  Yesterday was a very difficult walk.  I woke with hip pain, and was unsure I would even be able to get out the door.  Then, as I put on my walking shoes (which are, by the way, literally falling apart at the seams now) I discovered a blister, which my shoe so conveniently rubbed open.  It’s amazing to me, such a little bitty thing can hurt so dang much!  I walked anyway.  I walked through the pain in my hips, and that of my toe.  I increased my distance, too.  I paid for it dearly later that evening, though.  I could barely get up off my chair!  The muscles in my legs were so tight.  I’ve been doing warm up and cool down stretches.  I’m not sure what else to do.

I think I’m going to attempt all handmade gifts for Christmas this year.  (Mostly knitting or hand made jewelry) and I need to get started on the knitting.  I have the yarn, and the patterns – I just need to get going.  I’ve currently got two works on the needles, though, big projects, and I’d like to finish at least one of them before I start another. 

Rant o’ the Day:
It’s about me, all about me, this time.  I’m sick to death of going to the doctor.  Since January, I have had more than 29 doctor/dentist visits (Admittedly, only one to the dentist).  I stopped counting at 29, and that was in early May.   Podiatry, GI docs, Vascualar surgeon appts, general appts (Diabetes, numerous for pneumonia), x-rays, lab work,  It’s not going to end anytime soon, either.  I have three scheduled in July, already.  One in August. One in October.  I need my dental cleaning, so that will be thrown in the mix, too.  The thing is – I’m generally healthy!  Aside from the pnuemonia, I haven’t been sick at all!  They are yearly check-ups that turn into multiple procedures (The whole venous insufficiency procedures thing.)  Why do I have to be such a medical mess?  Why have I been so loyal to this new eating lifestyle that is supposed to normalize your blood sugars and allow you to lose weight?  My sugars are wackadoodle.  I lost weight on the first phase, but 6 weeks in to the second phase I have not lost any weight.  I have not cheated, not even one tiny bit.  I exercise at least five days a week – even through the pneumonia, I only missed two days – one because it was an extremely high pollution day and those with lung conditions were advised to stay indoors, the other was at the height of my pneunmonia and I simply could not breathe that day.  I have worked harder, adding speed, hand weights, distance – and I see no pay off.  I’m seriously afraid to mention my hip pain to my doc, because I a.) I don’t want to start another round of visits to a new doctor b.) I am afraid of what the problem really is.  It could be as simple as needing a new mattress, or arthritis – but what if it’s something like my hip is disintigrating?  Ugh.  It wouldn’t be something simple with me, it never is.  Even my mother says I’m “Medically difficult, and always have been.”  Sigh.  By the way, I highly doubt I have Celiac’s disease.  I just did fourteen weeks wheat/grain free, and my symptoms were still the same.  More unnecessary tests.  Why can’t doctors just LISTEN to their patients?  I told her this, yet I still have to be tested.  Double sigh.  Rant over. 

I’m going back to eating my seaweed snack now.  I’m undecided if I like it or not.  It tastes kinda fishy, but I like the seaweed taste.  I love that it’s only one carb. Heh.

 

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Oh Em Gee! Ther’s a Light at the End of the Tunnel! June 12, 2014

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First things first!  Our son finally got his license, AND a CAR!  Woo Hoo!!!!  This overjoys me.  Nearly brings me to my knees when I think about it.  I thank my Maker every day for this good fortune!  Secondly – they found an apartment!  They get the keys in a few weeks.  We are nearly giddy with the simple thought of it.  I have no idea how they are going to get along – with no dishes, pots, pans, furniture … etc.  Not my problem, I suppose.  I am SO HAPPY it is not my problem.  Go love them all, but I am just ready, so very, very ready to be an empty nester!

Onward.

So, I’ve still been exercising every week day morning.  Just the last two days I have increased my “Mileage” by nearly a mile!  It’s so freaking hot out, though.  When it’s 96º at seven a.m., you know it’s going to be a little rough.  I carry a 64 oz jug with me (Not only provides a much needed liquid refreshment, but a bit of an arm work-out, as well!) and this morning I drank the whole thing on my walk.  Here’s my problem.  My hips hurt so badly after every walk – all day, until I go to bed, and even then, sometimes, the pain won’t let me sleep or wakes me up.  I was trying to think of a way to describe it other than “My legs hurt,” so I can ask my Doc about it at my diabetes check next month, and I realized it isn’t a “Work-out hurt,” like, my muscles ache.  It’s my joints.  Mainly my hips, but I can feel some pelvic pain, as well.  I’ve not researched it at all, YET, but I need to.  I need to find out how to alleviate the pain, before my mind starts telling me not working out is better than living in pain. 

I haven’t lost any more weight, but my clothes continue to get bigger.  Must be something in the wash water stretching them out.  Heh.  Certainly couldn’t be me getting any smaller.  🙂 

As for the diet/exercise helping out the blood sugars – why must everything about me medically be such a mystery?!  The Hub’s HbA1c dropped a WHOLE point!!  He’s down in the “You’re doing excellent, we might take you off your drugs” range.  I go have my blood test next week for my appointment in early July, but my sugars are just as wacky as ever.  Exercise is supposed to make your sugars drop.  Nope.  Not me.  Mine actually rise.  Eating these very, very low carb servings is supposed to regulate your sugars.  Oh, boy.  Not me.  I range from way too low (57 this morning) to way too high 2 hours after a meal (160’s).  Some days are good.  Some days I fall just under the radar, and it makes me happy, but other days really suck!!  I had better results eating more carbs (We can have one carb serving , i.e. between 11-20 grams of carbs per meal) with other rules and restrictions about between meal snacks that I won’t go into right now.  Though I have eaten lower carb since I found out I had diabetes 10+ years ago, I was eating a few more carbs per day, and my sugars were lower.  My doc took me off one of my meds, though, and it’s been very difficult to fly within the limits of where my glucose readings should be.  It’s very strange, too, that one day I will do fine with a certain carb, yet another day I can eat the very same thing, and the sugars just soar above and beyond the “Cap.”  I just don’t get it!  It’s really discouraging, too, because this is the first diet I have ever been on (EVER) that I have not cheated, not even once!  I’m following the rules precisely, yet I don’t get the results promised.  The Hub does …. but I don’t.  Many times I have just wanted to give up, but I stick it out, hoping my body will finally realize the correct way to react.  Maybe.  Right? 

We’re going to take a little road trip in a few weeks to go see a dear friend of mine while she’s on a road trip to New Mexico.  She’s an “Online friend” but I’ve known her about 17 years.  OMG.  17 years.  I feel like I have already met her!  She’s got a court date for an accident that happened six years ago, and she’s nervous.  So we’re going to go and hold her hand and do some sight seeing.  Photo ops!  I’m too excited bout that aspect of it.  We need to get away.

OK, I know you’ve been waiting for it.  The bitchy rant.  Here it is, I don’t aim to disappoint!

If you need to be somewhere at eight a.m., leaving the house at ten minutes past eight isn’t going to get you there on time.  Any time you do it.  It’s not gonna happen.  If you are given 9 hours notice of a departure time, and you STILL are not ready when the wagon is leaving the gate, you may have some kind of problem.  There’s not too much that makes me more irate than being late for something when *I* am ready on time.  Just sayin’.

Gotta run, no time to check for errors – my apologies, I am sure there are some.  Especially because my “D” key still sticks.  🙂

I’m SO Over It April 29, 2014

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I’m tired of feeling bitter, resentful and angry.  I don’t know how to change it, without moving out until my house is guest free.  Being this way is not my norm, and it’s wearing me down. 

I’m so over trying to make other people happy, helping and providing.  I spent more money than I should have buying clothes for my granddaughter’s birthday.  Her birthday was nearly three weeks ago, and only once has she worn any of the nice clothes I bought her.   I’m documenting this here – I WILL NEVER BUY HER CLOTHES AGAIN.  EVER.  I’m plumb out of desire to waste my money.  OK, i’m a horrid person for refusing to provide clothing, but why spend the cash if the clothes are relegated to the far end of the closet by my daughter in law?  Ugh!

I’m hard pressed to be excited about the grandchild on the way.  I feel badly about that, but at this point in time, it only means yet another person being brought into the house.  The Hub doesn’t really want me to buy anything for the new wee one, either.  He said “We already set up his first two kids.”  It really ires us that this whole situation was not well thought out at all.  The actions of our son effect not only him, his new wife and children, but the rest of the family, as well.  He’s constantly needing rides here or there, and to work.  He has no spare money to buy anything for this baby, or INSURANCE for prenatal care.  The damn immigration paperwork was costly at over seventeen hundred dollars, which they had to take out a “Loan” with a credit card.  Her temporary visa expired on the 24th, but supposedly as long as her immigration papers are submitted by that date, she’s OK.  Why did it take six months to submit those??? 

Who the hell is going to pay for the birth of their child???

On to other things.

I had a diabetic check up on the 4th of the month.  All was well there, my HbA1c dropped another few tenths of a point, and I was even taken off one of my diabetes meds.  On that date, I had lost 8 pounds from being on this diabetic diet we are on, but I was also fairly ill with a hacking cough, which occured every time I took a breath.  The doc was more concerned about my O2 sats being 91 than my diabetes, I think.  She ordered a chest x-ray, gave me a breathing treatment (Which only made my O2 sats drop) and sent me on my way.  Seven days later I got a call from her nurse saying I had pneumonia, and please come get a script waiting on me at the pharmacy.   Why did it take a week to notify me??? This was Thursday night at almost 5 pm, and I had EVLT scheduled for my right leg at 8 am Friday morning,  When I got to the vascular surgeon’s office, they canceled the procedure due to the pneumonia.  (Sigh)  The left leg was scheduled for the following Friday, and I did have that done.  (May I just say O.U.C.H.)  So, yesterday I went back to the doc for my follow up, and I still have pneumonia!!  Another chest xray, some labwork, and more meds.  Oh, and I lost 8 more pounds!

I’m still walking every week day morning.  I love being outdoors!  There are some really awesome birds at the park, too!  A great blue heron, and a water fowl I saw this morning that I need to research – it was beautiful!

 

 

March 11, 2014

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We’ve been changing our eating patterns by using  a new lifestyle diet for diabetes (I don’t wnt to name names) and so far it’s been fairly easy, except for the whole eating every few hours part.  I have the hardest time remembering to eat my “Snacks” between meals.  I”ve never been a breakfast person – but I’m required to eat within an hour of getting up – SO difficult.  We’re on day ten today, and I’ve had real trouble with low blood sugars.  Last night before bed they were 57!  You are required to eat right before bed, as well (and in the middle of the night if you are up) so I decided I had better eat one of my “Carb counters” for my bedtime snack to get my sugars up a bit.

You aren’t supposed to weigh yourself the first eight weeks, but it’s a habit hard to break.  Up until this morning I hadn’t lost any weight, but miraculously, this morning the scale was down four pounds.  Go me!  Four pounds is just a drop in the bucket, an now I am not going to weigh myself again until the first eight weeks is over. 

Yesterday I was mysteriously sick.  Fever, lightheadedness, weak, nauseated, (Is that even a word anymore?  I see so many using “Nauseous” instead) and freezing all day, despite the beautiful outdoor temp of 82 degrees.  (What?  Wordpress doesn’t allow alt symbols now?  Geesh!!)  My sugars were within range, if not a little higher than norm for me (127 was the highest), but I just felt like crap all day.  I just wanted to sleep.  I did nap for an hour before dinner.  I’m feeling a bit better today, though I do believe I am still feverish.

The situation at home is a bit more tolerable. (I think I’ve just resigned myself to the way things are!)   Brock got a job (Security) with a temp post last week/this week.  He just got a call today for a full time position – with medical benefits!  Yay!!  Hopefully they’ll be able to be in their own place in a few months.  I know they won’t be too far, because they want the kids in the same school.  

I’ve been keeping myself busy with making polymer clay jewelery.  I’ll post a picture post of some of my work after I post this one.  I’ve also been knitting/crocheting – and actually have a commission making a scoodie (Scarf and hoodie in one) for a friend of my sister in law, who I sent one to last week.