It’s Too Damn Hot to Walk … June 24, 2014Posted by Rusty in Uncategorized.
Tags: adult children, being a bitch, carbs, children, diabetic, Diet, dieting, DMII, exercise, family, frustration, Grandchildren, houseguests, low carb, moving, plateaus, trials, tribulations, walking, weight loss
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…but I did anyway. Ninety six degrees at seven a.m. Yesterday was just as steamy, but I actually increased my distance and decreased my time by more than two minutes! I had a coffee date with my BBF (Best boy [that’s a] friend) and I got a later start than I had planned on (Procrastination much?) so I pushed myself fairly hard. I felt pretty good afterwards, and really good after my cool shower. Today I only did a little over two miles, instead of nearly 3,5 miles. I was having trouble breathing (Allergies) and my hips were hurting.
The “Coffee date” was fun. I brought over a low carb coconut cake (That is FABULOUS, btw) for them to enjoy later. (They live the low carb lifestyle, too. I wasn’t forcing low carb goodies on them.) We caught up on all the gossip, moaned and complained about other things, and laughed. I so love to laugh! I miss having girls that are friends to laugh with.
I went over to visit with my daughter in law in the evening. What an eye opener. We discussed my current adult female housemate (Clearing throat) and the not-so-nice things she has said about me. One for instance: Very shortly after she moved into our home AFTER WE INSISTED SHE COULD NOT LIVE HERE, she began throwing things away. Cleaning the kids’ room – and tossing everything in sight. My mother happens to buy the girl children very expensive, beautiful clothing, and has asked that they be passed down to the other girl children in the family, because they really are quite lovely and worthy of being passed on. Well, I got upset when I saw some of those clothes in her “Give to charity” bags. I voiced my opinion. You don’t come uninvited into someone’s home and start chucking things out, and I don’t care if you are the Queen of England, it’s NOT RIGHT. She told my DIL “She gets so upset about things, and I don’t know why. She only cares about the clothes that she bought – They were old clothes, and USED” (With disgust in her voice.) – which did not sit well with my DIL, because she buys the majority of her daughter’s clothes used, from thrift stores. Some of them still have the price tag on them, so what’s wrong with that, I ask?? This is a complete and utter mistruth, as it was not the (Ahem, NEW) clothes *I* bought for my granddaughter I was worried about, it was the clothes my mother bought. Get your facts straight before you start a-bitchin’!! Argh. I’m not so sure I even like her, but this, and other info I got, is the icing on the cake. Have fun buying your new infant clothing, because I certainly won’t be helping you with that. Neither will my mother, after she heard the above story, she also stated she would no longer be buying clothes for the children. (I told my mom what happened soon after it occurred – I did not call her last night and tattle the story.) There were other things said, too, that leads me to believe she is a rather deceptive person, and is fond of blowing smoke up people’s asses for entertainment. We’ll see how far that gets you, princess. Blow all the smoke you want, I now have my anti-smoke blower in place. Heh.
Four days until (Maybe three if they leave on Friday – I am not privy to the information, I only get bits and pieces) we get our house back, cause they are moving on out. We are so excited. We’ll whisper to each other “__Number of__ days” and have giggle fits. It’s going to be like a honeymoon for us. After 30+ years of marriage we’ll finally be living alone! It’s a damn good thing we get along. Hahaha! I asked The Hub if he had been asked to help move them out, and he said he hadn’t. I haven’t either, and said I wasn’t so sure I would volunteer my time. The Hub said “I will, if it gets them out of here faster.” Please don’t misunderstand. We love our children, with all our hearts and souls, we just don’t want to live with them any longer. We feel very taken advantage of in this particular situation. Moving a stranger into our home is not easy, especially a female stranger. I’m not such ball of fun when forced to do something I am averse to. I also don’t play well with others in my kitchen. I acknowledge, and own, that I have not made things easy for this houseguest. I didn’t want her to be here. Yep, I have been a bitch at times. My DIL said last night that my kitchen is the heart of our home, and that I spend many hours there doing what I love to do – cooking, trying new low carb recipes, even my crafting involves use of the kitchen. To be unable to utilize my own home due to someone else being in my kitchen for literally hours on end has not been a pleasant experience. I am so very, very ready to start this next, new phase of our lives. Heaven forbid they can’t make it out on their own. They won’t be welcome back, sad to say.
I’m still on that ugly plateau of weight loss. I literally cannot eat any less, as I don’t eat a whole lot as it is. I eat my required number of carbs per day (One carb serving per meal, one before bed) along with as much protein as I can manage to stuff down my gullet. I drink well over 64 ounces of water per day. I only have a diet soda once or twice a month. I am pushing myself in the exercise department, too. Why this never-ending plateau?? I’m tired of being stuck. I’m not giving up, I’m just frustrated. Any suggestions?? Could I not be eating enough?
Rant O’ the Day:
I don’t think one should spend hours on end declaring someone “Ugly” and “Fat,” especially if the declaring is being done to someone who is obese and, in my case, not so lovely to look at, either. Saying “Not fat like you, you have curves” is not an acceptable qualifier. I’m FAT. I know it, I don’t try to deny it, and I am MUCH heavier than the person you are calling fat!! Like … one of me is equal to two of her. Look, if you “Don’t want to talk about her” because “It upsets me too much,” then don’t bring up the subject. Really, you have no right to speak about her, anyway. She was before your time. She’s never “Done” anything to you. You’ve never even met her. You didn’t live the life – we all did, when she was in our lives. When those around you are trying to change the subject, and do so successfully, don’t return to the subject time and time again. Your insecurities are showing. In all their nakedness, they are showing. It’s not very flattering. Yes, NONE of us like her. None of us like to talk about her. STOP TALKING ABOUT HER!! Until the time that we become perfect, let’s not talk about those who are imperfect. Thank you. That is all.
Sometimes, You Can’t Turn it Off June 19, 2014Posted by Rusty in Uncategorized.
Tags: appointments, blood sugars, diabetes, dieting, doctors, exercise, health, hip pain, pneumonia, sleeplessness, weight loss
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I slept poorly last night. My mind just would not shut off. Every time I was on the verge of drifting off, my thoughts would wake me up. When I finally did fall asleep, every hour had me waking up to go to the bathroom. I guess that’s one of the consequences of drinking over 128 ounces of water every day.
Anyhoo, my thoughts were troubled. This would be okay if I actually had a reason to be worried. In the throes of sleepiness, though, the mind plays nasty tricks. I had to go in for my bloodwork today, for my diabetes check up on 1 July. I also needed to schedule a mammogram, remember to pick up my insulin at the pharmacy, and also have bloodwork done for Celiac’s Disease for my GI doc. I was afraid I was going to forget something. I hate forgetting things! Yeah, I forgot the paperwork to have my celiac’s bloodwork done. That’s ok, though, I’ll have it done when I go in for my check-up. It’s really not a big deal, even if I had forgotten more than a piece of paper – so I wish I had not been awake all night (wasting my time) worrying. I was almost in a panic, I was so worried. I’m tired!
Normally, my fasting glucose is on the high (Ok, sometimes very high) side. It’s got to do with carb load, and if one does not consume carbs every five hours, your liver will make sure to release about six times as much sugar as your body needs, raising your blood sugar exponentially. This won’t make sense unless you are versed in how diabetes affects your body, but I need to eat a carb before bed, else my sugars will be high in the morning. Because I had to fast for my bloodwork, I couldn’t eat my nightly carb, and was therefore concerned about how high my sugars would be this morning. To my surprise, they were actually very low this morning. Too low. Eat something right away, low. I was shocked. Even when I tested upon arriving home, they were only 81. Because my sugars were so very low, I was weary of driving to the hospital. I was so shaky. (I just wanted a cup of coffee!!) I made it there in one piece, but of course forgot to bring my snack, to jump up my sugars after my lab work. It sucks being forgetful!
I’m so anxious to get my lab results. We’ve been on this new eating lifestyle since February. Hub’s HbA1c dropped a full point at his last appointment, two weeks ago. I’m hoping to do as well with my own HbA1c. I don’t think I will drop a whole point, like he did, but I am expecting a drop, nonetheless.
I’m still walking, and I’ve surpassed the three mile mark each day. Yay! On Tuesday I actually jogged a short distance, twice, during my walk, I not only increased my distance, but decreased my time. Yesterday was a very difficult walk. I woke with hip pain, and was unsure I would even be able to get out the door. Then, as I put on my walking shoes (which are, by the way, literally falling apart at the seams now) I discovered a blister, which my shoe so conveniently rubbed open. It’s amazing to me, such a little bitty thing can hurt so dang much! I walked anyway. I walked through the pain in my hips, and that of my toe. I increased my distance, too. I paid for it dearly later that evening, though. I could barely get up off my chair! The muscles in my legs were so tight. I’ve been doing warm up and cool down stretches. I’m not sure what else to do.
I think I’m going to attempt all handmade gifts for Christmas this year. (Mostly knitting or hand made jewelry) and I need to get started on the knitting. I have the yarn, and the patterns – I just need to get going. I’ve currently got two works on the needles, though, big projects, and I’d like to finish at least one of them before I start another.
Rant o’ the Day:
It’s about me, all about me, this time. I’m sick
to death of going to the doctor. Since January, I have had more than 29 doctor/dentist visits (Admittedly, only one to the dentist). I stopped counting at 29, and that was in early May. Podiatry, GI docs, Vascualar surgeon appts, general appts (Diabetes, numerous for pneumonia), x-rays, lab work, It’s not going to end anytime soon, either. I have three scheduled in July, already. One in August. One in October. I need my dental cleaning, so that will be thrown in the mix, too. The thing is – I’m generally healthy! Aside from the pnuemonia, I haven’t been sick at all! They are yearly check-ups that turn into multiple procedures (The whole venous insufficiency procedures thing.) Why do I have to be such a medical mess? Why have I been so loyal to this new eating lifestyle that is supposed to normalize your blood sugars and allow you to lose weight? My sugars are wackadoodle. I lost weight on the first phase, but 6 weeks in to the second phase I have not lost any weight. I have not cheated, not even one tiny bit. I exercise at least five days a week – even through the pneumonia, I only missed two days – one because it was an extremely high pollution day and those with lung conditions were advised to stay indoors, the other was at the height of my pneunmonia and I simply could not breathe that day. I have worked harder, adding speed, hand weights, distance – and I see no pay off. I’m seriously afraid to mention my hip pain to my doc, because I a.) I don’t want to start another round of visits to a new doctor b.) I am afraid of what the problem really is. It could be as simple as needing a new mattress, or arthritis – but what if it’s something like my hip is disintigrating? Ugh. It wouldn’t be something simple with me, it never is. Even my mother says I’m “Medically difficult, and always have been.” Sigh. By the way, I highly doubt I have Celiac’s disease. I just did fourteen weeks wheat/grain free, and my symptoms were still the same. More unnecessary tests. Why can’t doctors just LISTEN to their patients? I told her this, yet I still have to be tested. Double sigh. Rant over.
I’m going back to eating my seaweed snack now. I’m undecided if I like it or not. It tastes kinda fishy, but I like the seaweed taste. I love that it’s only one carb. Heh.
Oh Em Gee! Ther’s a Light at the End of the Tunnel! June 12, 2014Posted by Rusty in Uncategorized.
Tags: diabetes, Diet, dieting, exercise, family, hips, pain, walking
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First things first! Our son finally got his license, AND a CAR! Woo Hoo!!!! This overjoys me. Nearly brings me to my knees when I think about it. I thank my Maker every day for this good fortune! Secondly – they found an apartment! They get the keys in a few weeks. We are nearly giddy with the simple thought of it. I have no idea how they are going to get along – with no dishes, pots, pans, furniture … etc. Not my problem, I suppose. I am SO HAPPY it is not my problem. Go love them all, but I am just ready, so very, very ready to be an empty nester!
So, I’ve still been exercising every week day morning. Just the last two days I have increased my “Mileage” by nearly a mile! It’s so freaking hot out, though. When it’s 96º at seven a.m., you know it’s going to be a little rough. I carry a 64 oz jug with me (Not only provides a much needed liquid refreshment, but a bit of an arm work-out, as well!) and this morning I drank the whole thing on my walk. Here’s my problem. My hips hurt so badly after every walk – all day, until I go to bed, and even then, sometimes, the pain won’t let me sleep or wakes me up. I was trying to think of a way to describe it other than “My legs hurt,” so I can ask my Doc about it at my diabetes check next month, and I realized it isn’t a “Work-out hurt,” like, my muscles ache. It’s my joints. Mainly my hips, but I can feel some pelvic pain, as well. I’ve not researched it at all, YET, but I need to. I need to find out how to alleviate the pain, before my mind starts telling me not working out is better than living in pain.
I haven’t lost any more weight, but my clothes continue to get bigger. Must be something in the wash water stretching them out. Heh. Certainly couldn’t be me getting any smaller. 🙂
As for the diet/exercise helping out the blood sugars – why must everything about me medically be such a mystery?! The Hub’s HbA1c dropped a WHOLE point!! He’s down in the “You’re doing excellent, we might take you off your drugs” range. I go have my blood test next week for my appointment in early July, but my sugars are just as wacky as ever. Exercise is supposed to make your sugars drop. Nope. Not me. Mine actually rise. Eating these very, very low carb servings is supposed to regulate your sugars. Oh, boy. Not me. I range from way too low (57 this morning) to way too high 2 hours after a meal (160’s). Some days are good. Some days I fall just under the radar, and it makes me happy, but other days really suck!! I had better results eating more carbs (We can have one carb serving , i.e. between 11-20 grams of carbs per meal) with other rules and restrictions about between meal snacks that I won’t go into right now. Though I have eaten lower carb since I found out I had diabetes 10+ years ago, I was eating a few more carbs per day, and my sugars were lower. My doc took me off one of my meds, though, and it’s been very difficult to fly within the limits of where my glucose readings should be. It’s very strange, too, that one day I will do fine with a certain carb, yet another day I can eat the very same thing, and the sugars just soar above and beyond the “Cap.” I just don’t get it! It’s really discouraging, too, because this is the first diet I have ever been on (EVER) that I have not cheated, not even once! I’m following the rules precisely, yet I don’t get the results promised. The Hub does …. but I don’t. Many times I have just wanted to give up, but I stick it out, hoping my body will finally realize the correct way to react. Maybe. Right?
We’re going to take a little road trip in a few weeks to go see a dear friend of mine while she’s on a road trip to New Mexico. She’s an “Online friend” but I’ve known her about 17 years. OMG. 17 years. I feel like I have already met her! She’s got a court date for an accident that happened six years ago, and she’s nervous. So we’re going to go and hold her hand and do some sight seeing. Photo ops! I’m too excited bout that aspect of it. We need to get away.
OK, I know you’ve been waiting for it. The bitchy rant. Here it is, I don’t aim to disappoint!
If you need to be somewhere at eight a.m., leaving the house at ten minutes past eight isn’t going to get you there on time. Any time you do it. It’s not gonna happen. If you are given 9 hours notice of a departure time, and you STILL are not ready when the wagon is leaving the gate, you may have some kind of problem. There’s not too much that makes me more irate than being late for something when *I* am ready on time. Just sayin’.
Gotta run, no time to check for errors – my apologies, I am sure there are some. Especially because my “D” key still sticks. 🙂
I’m SO Over It April 29, 2014Posted by Rusty in Uncategorized.
Tags: Angry, bitter, diabetes, exercise, family, Grandchildren, pneumonia, resentful, stressed, walking, weight loss
I’m tired of feeling bitter, resentful and angry. I don’t know how to change it, without moving out until my house is guest free. Being this way is not my norm, and it’s wearing me down.
I’m so over trying to make other people happy, helping and providing. I spent more money than I should have buying clothes for my granddaughter’s birthday. Her birthday was nearly three weeks ago, and only once has she worn any of the nice clothes I bought her. I’m documenting this here – I WILL NEVER BUY HER CLOTHES AGAIN. EVER. I’m plumb out of desire to waste my money. OK, i’m a horrid person for refusing to provide clothing, but why spend the cash if the clothes are relegated to the far end of the closet by my daughter in law? Ugh!
I’m hard pressed to be excited about the grandchild on the way. I feel badly about that, but at this point in time, it only means yet another person being brought into the house. The Hub doesn’t really want me to buy anything for the new wee one, either. He said “We already set up his first two kids.” It really ires us that this whole situation was not well thought out at all. The actions of our son effect not only him, his new wife and children, but the rest of the family, as well. He’s constantly needing rides here or there, and to work. He has no spare money to buy anything for this baby, or INSURANCE for prenatal care. The damn immigration paperwork was costly at over seventeen hundred dollars, which they had to take out a “Loan” with a credit card. Her temporary visa expired on the 24th, but supposedly as long as her immigration papers are submitted by that date, she’s OK. Why did it take six months to submit those???
Who the hell is going to pay for the birth of their child???
On to other things.
I had a diabetic check up on the 4th of the month. All was well there, my HbA1c dropped another few tenths of a point, and I was even taken off one of my diabetes meds. On that date, I had lost 8 pounds from being on this diabetic diet we are on, but I was also fairly ill with a hacking cough, which occured every time I took a breath. The doc was more concerned about my O2 sats being 91 than my diabetes, I think. She ordered a chest x-ray, gave me a breathing treatment (Which only made my O2 sats drop) and sent me on my way. Seven days later I got a call from her nurse saying I had pneumonia, and please come get a script waiting on me at the pharmacy. Why did it take a week to notify me??? This was Thursday night at almost 5 pm, and I had EVLT scheduled for my right leg at 8 am Friday morning, When I got to the vascular surgeon’s office, they canceled the procedure due to the pneumonia. (Sigh) The left leg was scheduled for the following Friday, and I did have that done. (May I just say O.U.C.H.) So, yesterday I went back to the doc for my follow up, and I still have pneumonia!! Another chest xray, some labwork, and more meds. Oh, and I lost 8 more pounds!
I’m still walking every week day morning. I love being outdoors! There are some really awesome birds at the park, too! A great blue heron, and a water fowl I saw this morning that I need to research – it was beautiful!
Owning Up January 8, 2012Posted by Rusty in Uncategorized.
Tags: being FAT, Diet, exercise, Jillian Michaels, low carb diet, low carb eating, poor eating habits
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So last night I broke down and joined the Jillian Michaels web site. I figure maybe if I am paying for it, I might actually stick to it. So far, from what I’ve read, it’s well put together (What did I expect … it is Jillian Michaels!) and simple to follow. No, I don’t mean the program itself is simple, I mean it’s easy to know what I am expected to do, what my goals are, how many calories I need to eat, and what exercises to do on each day.
Back tracking a minute, here. When Blaine and his wife moved out of their apartment a few weeks ago, The Hub and I borrowed their elliptical machine. I’ve been wanting to try this particular machine (Hint – Youuu cannnn doooo ittttt) before I shelled out the bucks for one. The first time I got on, a week ago, I could barely do two minutes without feeling like my legs and arms were about to fall off. I’m SO out of shape. I do nothing but work, eat and sleep, or collapse on the couch when I do get home from work. I did about ten minutes total that day, jumping on for two-minute sessions whenever I felt the urge. It’s gone that way most of the week – except on Friday I actually could stay on for five minutes each time I stepped on. Progress. Tiny steps. Today I actually managed to stay on for 20 minutes! Go me! Yesterday was my “Day of rest” because you have to pick two “Off days” for the week. I would have liked to pick Tuesdays and Thursdays, the days I actually go in to the office, because I am always tired when I get home, but that wasn’t an option. I had to pick Tuesdays and Saturdays. Thursdays would be awesome, though, because I will be starting back to school in a few weeks and my class is on Thursday nights. Oh well, I will make it work some how.
My food intake is horrible. I have trouble taking in enough calories. I’m supposed to be eating around 1200 calories a day, and today I was 737 calories below my goal. A few years ago I was using “Spark People” to track my exercise and eating, and they’d actually cyber-yell at me with little notes that I was not eating enough. (As I type I am developing a mild headache, probably from lack of enough calories, but it’s too late in the day for me to eat anything and not have my sugars be totally out of whack at bedtime/in the morning.)
Anyway, I am owning my weight problem. I am tired of being FAT and feeling like crap. I’m not an emotional eater, I’m just a bad eater. I don’t eat enough, though I don’t feel like I am trying to starve myself. I just get full very quickly, and tend to forget to eat all together. There will be days when I have to think very hard to even remember if I had anything for lunch. I am going to try my hardest to start eating breakfast everyday, even though the morning meal usually makes me severely nauseated. I did pretty good this week. I made a batch of low carb waffles using whey protein on Monday, and simply heated one up each morning. I’m going to try a veggies and egg white omelet tomorrow. I’ve never been real fond of egg white omelets, but maybe I can stomach one with some veggies thrown in.
Why are weekends so short? I always have things I need/want to take care of, and I never seem to get much done. I did manage to get my laundry done this weekend. I made my Christmas Gift Tag scrapbook pages, paid some bills and got the first floor cleaned up when my boss said he was stopping by Friday night after rounds. Everything except my desk, which is a disaster area. It should be condemned.
When the grandkids found out Doc was stopping by they were so excited. Pipe said she was going to draw him a picture and Gav said “I could just hug him all day!” Kids just love him, though you’d think with his size they’d be intimidated. He’s a big man – tall and very broad-shouldered. But he does give the best hugs ever, and the kids must feel like a big ole teddy bear is wrapping them in his arms. It took me a very long time to get used to his hugs – I’m not all that huggy of a person. It made me very uncomfortable (and I did tell him that) but I came to realize it’s just him. He’s a hugger, and now I am quite used to them. It all goes back to me being over weight. I don’t want people feeling my fat when giving me a hug. I have to know they accept me as I am before I trust them enough to give me bear hugs. Ugh. low self-esteem just sucks.
Onward toward a better tomorrow.