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It’s Too Damn Hot to Walk … June 24, 2014

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…but I did anyway.  Ninety six degrees at seven a.m.  Yesterday was just as steamy, but I actually increased my distance and decreased my time by more than two minutes!  I had a coffee date with my BBF (Best boy [that’s a] friend) and I got a later start than I had planned on (Procrastination much?) so I pushed myself fairly hard.  I felt pretty good afterwards, and really good after my cool shower.  Today I only did a little over two miles, instead of nearly 3,5 miles.  I was having trouble breathing (Allergies) and my hips were hurting.

The “Coffee date” was fun.  I brought over a low carb coconut cake (That is FABULOUS, btw) for them to enjoy later. (They live the low carb lifestyle, too.  I wasn’t forcing low carb goodies on them.)   We caught up on all the gossip, moaned and complained about other things, and laughed.  I so love to laugh!  I miss having girls that are friends to laugh with.

I went over to visit with my daughter in law in the evening.  What an eye opener.  We discussed my current adult female housemate (Clearing throat) and the not-so-nice things she has said about me.  One for instance:  Very shortly after she moved into our home AFTER WE INSISTED SHE COULD NOT LIVE HERE, she began throwing things away.  Cleaning the kids’ room – and tossing everything in sight.  My mother happens to buy the girl children very expensive, beautiful clothing, and has asked that they be passed down to the other girl children in the family, because they really are quite lovely and worthy of being passed on.  Well, I got upset when I saw some of those clothes in her “Give to charity” bags.  I voiced my opinion.  You don’t come uninvited into someone’s home and start chucking things out, and I don’t care if you are the Queen of England, it’s NOT RIGHT.  She told my DIL “She gets so upset about things, and I don’t know why.  She only cares about the clothes that she bought – They were old clothes, and USED” (With disgust in her voice.) – which did not sit well with my DIL, because she buys the majority of her daughter’s clothes used, from thrift stores.  Some of them still have the price tag on them, so what’s wrong with that, I ask??  This is a complete and utter mistruth, as it was not the (Ahem, NEW) clothes *I* bought for my granddaughter I was worried about, it was the clothes my mother bought.  Get your facts straight before you start a-bitchin’!!    Argh.  I’m not so sure I even like her, but this, and other info I got, is the icing on the cake.  Have fun buying your new infant clothing, because I certainly won’t be helping you with that. Neither will my mother, after she heard the above story, she also stated she would no longer be buying clothes for the children.  (I told my mom what happened soon after it occurred – I did not call her last night and tattle the story.)  There were other things said, too, that leads me to believe she is a rather deceptive person, and is fond of blowing smoke up people’s asses for entertainment.  We’ll see how far that gets you, princess.  Blow all the smoke you want, I now have my anti-smoke blower in place.  Heh.

Four days until (Maybe three if they leave on Friday – I am not privy to the information, I only get bits and pieces) we get our house back, cause they are moving on out.   We are so excited.  We’ll whisper to each other “__Number of__ days” and have giggle fits.  It’s going to be like a honeymoon for us.  After 30+ years of marriage we’ll finally be living alone!  It’s a damn good thing we get along.  Hahaha!  I asked The Hub if he had been asked to help move them out, and he said he hadn’t.  I haven’t either, and said I wasn’t so sure I would volunteer my time.  The Hub said “I will, if it gets them out of here faster.”  Please don’t misunderstand.  We love our children, with all our hearts and souls, we just don’t want to live with them any longer.  We feel very taken advantage of in this particular situation.  Moving a stranger into our home is not easy, especially a female stranger.  I’m not such ball of fun when forced to do something I am averse to.   I also don’t play well with others in my kitchen.  I acknowledge, and own, that I have not made things easy for this houseguest.  I didn’t want her to be here.  Yep, I have been a bitch at times.  My DIL said last night that my kitchen is the heart of our home, and that I spend many hours there doing what I love to do – cooking, trying new low carb recipes, even my crafting involves use of the kitchen.  To be unable to utilize my own home due to someone else being in my kitchen for literally hours on end has not been a pleasant experience.  I am so very, very ready to start this next, new phase of our lives.  Heaven forbid they can’t make it out on their own.  They won’t be welcome back, sad to say.

I’m still on that ugly plateau of weight loss.  I literally cannot eat any less, as I don’t eat a whole lot as it is.  I eat my required number of carbs per day (One carb serving per meal, one before bed) along with as much protein as I can manage to stuff down my gullet.  I drink well over 64 ounces of water per day.  I only have a diet soda once or twice a month.  I am pushing myself in the exercise department, too.  Why this never-ending plateau??  I’m tired of being stuck.  I’m not giving up, I’m just frustrated.  Any suggestions??  Could I not be eating enough?

Rant O’ the Day:
I don’t think one should spend hours on end declaring someone “Ugly” and “Fat,” especially if the declaring is being done to someone who is obese and, in my case, not so lovely to look at, either.  Saying “Not fat like you, you have curves” is not an acceptable qualifier.  I’m FAT.  I know it, I don’t try to deny it, and I am MUCH heavier than the person you are calling fat!!  Like … one of me is equal to two of her.  Look, if you “Don’t want to talk about her” because “It upsets me too much,” then don’t bring up the subject.  Really, you have no right to speak about her, anyway.  She was before your time.  She’s never “Done” anything to you.  You’ve never even met her.  You didn’t live the life – we all did, when she was in our lives.  When those around you are trying to change the subject, and do so successfully, don’t return to the subject time and time again.  Your insecurities are showing.  In all their nakedness, they are showing.  It’s not very flattering.  Yes, NONE of us like her.  None of us like to talk about her.  STOP TALKING ABOUT HER!!   Until the time that we become perfect, let’s not talk about those who are imperfect.  Thank you.  That is all.

 

 

 

Oh Em Gee! Ther’s a Light at the End of the Tunnel! June 12, 2014

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First things first!  Our son finally got his license, AND a CAR!  Woo Hoo!!!!  This overjoys me.  Nearly brings me to my knees when I think about it.  I thank my Maker every day for this good fortune!  Secondly – they found an apartment!  They get the keys in a few weeks.  We are nearly giddy with the simple thought of it.  I have no idea how they are going to get along – with no dishes, pots, pans, furniture … etc.  Not my problem, I suppose.  I am SO HAPPY it is not my problem.  Go love them all, but I am just ready, so very, very ready to be an empty nester!

Onward.

So, I’ve still been exercising every week day morning.  Just the last two days I have increased my “Mileage” by nearly a mile!  It’s so freaking hot out, though.  When it’s 96º at seven a.m., you know it’s going to be a little rough.  I carry a 64 oz jug with me (Not only provides a much needed liquid refreshment, but a bit of an arm work-out, as well!) and this morning I drank the whole thing on my walk.  Here’s my problem.  My hips hurt so badly after every walk – all day, until I go to bed, and even then, sometimes, the pain won’t let me sleep or wakes me up.  I was trying to think of a way to describe it other than “My legs hurt,” so I can ask my Doc about it at my diabetes check next month, and I realized it isn’t a “Work-out hurt,” like, my muscles ache.  It’s my joints.  Mainly my hips, but I can feel some pelvic pain, as well.  I’ve not researched it at all, YET, but I need to.  I need to find out how to alleviate the pain, before my mind starts telling me not working out is better than living in pain. 

I haven’t lost any more weight, but my clothes continue to get bigger.  Must be something in the wash water stretching them out.  Heh.  Certainly couldn’t be me getting any smaller.  🙂 

As for the diet/exercise helping out the blood sugars – why must everything about me medically be such a mystery?!  The Hub’s HbA1c dropped a WHOLE point!!  He’s down in the “You’re doing excellent, we might take you off your drugs” range.  I go have my blood test next week for my appointment in early July, but my sugars are just as wacky as ever.  Exercise is supposed to make your sugars drop.  Nope.  Not me.  Mine actually rise.  Eating these very, very low carb servings is supposed to regulate your sugars.  Oh, boy.  Not me.  I range from way too low (57 this morning) to way too high 2 hours after a meal (160’s).  Some days are good.  Some days I fall just under the radar, and it makes me happy, but other days really suck!!  I had better results eating more carbs (We can have one carb serving , i.e. between 11-20 grams of carbs per meal) with other rules and restrictions about between meal snacks that I won’t go into right now.  Though I have eaten lower carb since I found out I had diabetes 10+ years ago, I was eating a few more carbs per day, and my sugars were lower.  My doc took me off one of my meds, though, and it’s been very difficult to fly within the limits of where my glucose readings should be.  It’s very strange, too, that one day I will do fine with a certain carb, yet another day I can eat the very same thing, and the sugars just soar above and beyond the “Cap.”  I just don’t get it!  It’s really discouraging, too, because this is the first diet I have ever been on (EVER) that I have not cheated, not even once!  I’m following the rules precisely, yet I don’t get the results promised.  The Hub does …. but I don’t.  Many times I have just wanted to give up, but I stick it out, hoping my body will finally realize the correct way to react.  Maybe.  Right? 

We’re going to take a little road trip in a few weeks to go see a dear friend of mine while she’s on a road trip to New Mexico.  She’s an “Online friend” but I’ve known her about 17 years.  OMG.  17 years.  I feel like I have already met her!  She’s got a court date for an accident that happened six years ago, and she’s nervous.  So we’re going to go and hold her hand and do some sight seeing.  Photo ops!  I’m too excited bout that aspect of it.  We need to get away.

OK, I know you’ve been waiting for it.  The bitchy rant.  Here it is, I don’t aim to disappoint!

If you need to be somewhere at eight a.m., leaving the house at ten minutes past eight isn’t going to get you there on time.  Any time you do it.  It’s not gonna happen.  If you are given 9 hours notice of a departure time, and you STILL are not ready when the wagon is leaving the gate, you may have some kind of problem.  There’s not too much that makes me more irate than being late for something when *I* am ready on time.  Just sayin’.

Gotta run, no time to check for errors – my apologies, I am sure there are some.  Especially because my “D” key still sticks.  🙂

I’m SO Over It April 29, 2014

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I’m tired of feeling bitter, resentful and angry.  I don’t know how to change it, without moving out until my house is guest free.  Being this way is not my norm, and it’s wearing me down. 

I’m so over trying to make other people happy, helping and providing.  I spent more money than I should have buying clothes for my granddaughter’s birthday.  Her birthday was nearly three weeks ago, and only once has she worn any of the nice clothes I bought her.   I’m documenting this here – I WILL NEVER BUY HER CLOTHES AGAIN.  EVER.  I’m plumb out of desire to waste my money.  OK, i’m a horrid person for refusing to provide clothing, but why spend the cash if the clothes are relegated to the far end of the closet by my daughter in law?  Ugh!

I’m hard pressed to be excited about the grandchild on the way.  I feel badly about that, but at this point in time, it only means yet another person being brought into the house.  The Hub doesn’t really want me to buy anything for the new wee one, either.  He said “We already set up his first two kids.”  It really ires us that this whole situation was not well thought out at all.  The actions of our son effect not only him, his new wife and children, but the rest of the family, as well.  He’s constantly needing rides here or there, and to work.  He has no spare money to buy anything for this baby, or INSURANCE for prenatal care.  The damn immigration paperwork was costly at over seventeen hundred dollars, which they had to take out a “Loan” with a credit card.  Her temporary visa expired on the 24th, but supposedly as long as her immigration papers are submitted by that date, she’s OK.  Why did it take six months to submit those??? 

Who the hell is going to pay for the birth of their child???

On to other things.

I had a diabetic check up on the 4th of the month.  All was well there, my HbA1c dropped another few tenths of a point, and I was even taken off one of my diabetes meds.  On that date, I had lost 8 pounds from being on this diabetic diet we are on, but I was also fairly ill with a hacking cough, which occured every time I took a breath.  The doc was more concerned about my O2 sats being 91 than my diabetes, I think.  She ordered a chest x-ray, gave me a breathing treatment (Which only made my O2 sats drop) and sent me on my way.  Seven days later I got a call from her nurse saying I had pneumonia, and please come get a script waiting on me at the pharmacy.   Why did it take a week to notify me??? This was Thursday night at almost 5 pm, and I had EVLT scheduled for my right leg at 8 am Friday morning,  When I got to the vascular surgeon’s office, they canceled the procedure due to the pneumonia.  (Sigh)  The left leg was scheduled for the following Friday, and I did have that done.  (May I just say O.U.C.H.)  So, yesterday I went back to the doc for my follow up, and I still have pneumonia!!  Another chest xray, some labwork, and more meds.  Oh, and I lost 8 more pounds!

I’m still walking every week day morning.  I love being outdoors!  There are some really awesome birds at the park, too!  A great blue heron, and a water fowl I saw this morning that I need to research – it was beautiful!

 

 

March 11, 2014

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We’ve been changing our eating patterns by using  a new lifestyle diet for diabetes (I don’t wnt to name names) and so far it’s been fairly easy, except for the whole eating every few hours part.  I have the hardest time remembering to eat my “Snacks” between meals.  I”ve never been a breakfast person – but I’m required to eat within an hour of getting up – SO difficult.  We’re on day ten today, and I’ve had real trouble with low blood sugars.  Last night before bed they were 57!  You are required to eat right before bed, as well (and in the middle of the night if you are up) so I decided I had better eat one of my “Carb counters” for my bedtime snack to get my sugars up a bit.

You aren’t supposed to weigh yourself the first eight weeks, but it’s a habit hard to break.  Up until this morning I hadn’t lost any weight, but miraculously, this morning the scale was down four pounds.  Go me!  Four pounds is just a drop in the bucket, an now I am not going to weigh myself again until the first eight weeks is over. 

Yesterday I was mysteriously sick.  Fever, lightheadedness, weak, nauseated, (Is that even a word anymore?  I see so many using “Nauseous” instead) and freezing all day, despite the beautiful outdoor temp of 82 degrees.  (What?  Wordpress doesn’t allow alt symbols now?  Geesh!!)  My sugars were within range, if not a little higher than norm for me (127 was the highest), but I just felt like crap all day.  I just wanted to sleep.  I did nap for an hour before dinner.  I’m feeling a bit better today, though I do believe I am still feverish.

The situation at home is a bit more tolerable. (I think I’ve just resigned myself to the way things are!)   Brock got a job (Security) with a temp post last week/this week.  He just got a call today for a full time position – with medical benefits!  Yay!!  Hopefully they’ll be able to be in their own place in a few months.  I know they won’t be too far, because they want the kids in the same school.  

I’ve been keeping myself busy with making polymer clay jewelery.  I’ll post a picture post of some of my work after I post this one.  I’ve also been knitting/crocheting – and actually have a commission making a scoodie (Scarf and hoodie in one) for a friend of my sister in law, who I sent one to last week.  

 

Just Another Day in Paradise February 18, 2014

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Image

PHOTO IS MINE, COPYRIGHT 2014.  IT MAY NOT BE USED WITHOUT MY WRITTEN CONSENT.

Enjoying my new “Hobby” this morning I heard a police officer ask if he could go to channel three.  The dispatcher “10-4’d” his request, and a minute later he went back to channel one and said, in a tearful voice (But obviously “Playing”) “No one is responding on channel three.  (Pause)  :::Sniffle::: I feel so all alone!”   Hahaha!  Every time I think about it, I truly laugh out loud.

So my best buddy here in town gave me a box full of stuff last week when I went to visit.  Knitting books, a flip book calendar with 365 projects, but most fun – polymer clay, clay tools, and a bead drying rack.  I have been looking at all these items on amazon, because I have clay I bought last year, and I’ve been wanting to make my own beads.  There’s a few things I need before I can get started, but I’ve been reading up on it, so I will be prepared.

Ok.  ARGH.  Last Thursday I had planned a trip to WallyWorld to look around and hopefully bring home some strawberry plants.  I was REALLY looking forward to some “ALONE TIME.”  I’m getting ready to go, and my son states “I am going to go with you, I need a few things.”  I say “I am not going to hurry, I was planning on looking around.”  He says “That’s OK, we can hang out.”  Shoulder droop.  Tears welling.  Can I ever get a break?

Soooooo, this morning I am planning on a run to the craft store, to compare prices on things in my shopping cart on amazon, and the few things I need to get started on the bead making.  Yessss!  Alone time at last.

Yeah, right.

My son just told me he is going with me, he wants to run in Target for some things.

@#$(*&^*

I feel rushed when I am not alone.  I feel like I have to hurry through so I don’t inconsiderately make people wait on me.  Even when “Take your time” is stated by the accompanying party.  Blast.  I can’t plan anything without a wrench being thrown in the mix.  I just told him I’d rather run him up to the corner, and explained why, and now he’s kinda pissed.  Says he didn’t want to ruin my plans.  Well, you did!  (Amended – he just huffed out of the house with his backpack, to walk to the store.)

So sick of all of this.  It makes me want to put the house up for sale and move.  I’m afraid he’d come with, though.  Haha.

I can’t remember what I wrote in my last post, but have I dropped the latest bomb yet?

They are expecting.

Sssh.  They haven’t told anyone but me.

I’ve started working in the garden with all this lovely weather we’ve been having.  We trimmed the overly large lantana and it filled the entire bed of the truck.  It was that large!  I’ve planted some morning glory, giant allium and moonflower seeds.  I have a few volunteer sunflower seeds that have sprouted.  I bought my strawberry plants, and need to get them in the vertical planter.  I love spring, simply adore it!  I need to get my patty pan squash, cucumbers, okra and summer squash planted.  My lemon tree is bursting with blossoms.  I still have scads of tomatoes on my plants from the fall.

:::Happy dancing:::  Not much makes me happier than working in the garden!

Seriously?! January 27, 2014

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Pancake mix plus water, stir, let sit for a minute or two.  Cook six pancakes.  Total time – what … ten minutes?  That’s you or me.  My daughter in law has been in the kitchen and/or eating for almost TWO HOURS.  How freakin’ long does it take to eat three damn pancakes????  Over forty minutes on that aspect, alone.

I bitch.  I bitch to myself, to my husband, to my other daughter in law, to my BFF;  Really … any one who will listen!

I bitch because there are things I have wanted to do for three weeks that require some time in the kitchen – like, a few hours.  The problem is, I cannot get a window of time that long.  She eats every two hours, and it’s never a “Quick bite.”  It’s a long drawn out process…… EVERY FREAKIN’ TIME.

I need to make some apple cinnamon jelly for a “Pay it forward” thing I signed up for (Send a gift to 5 people within the next 12 months, but if I don’t do it soon, I will forget!)  and I also need to put together some soup in a jar for the same purpose.  I’ve already knit two hoody scarves for the same project, (Since I can’t, ya know, get into the kitchen) but I want to get this other stuff done and over with.  I have some homemade “No more cold hands or feet” salve I need to make before I no longer need it because it’s hot outside.  (I’ve had those ingredients since before Christmas.)

OK – so I am not planning on doing it today (I am cleaning out/re-arranging my craft room, and moving in a huge wall unit from the living room, which means I have to clean that and the living room, too,) but I’m just making a point here.

That point would be MOVE YOUR ASS FASTER!

I’m not a horrible person, really.  I just want my life back.  I want my house back.  I am tired of raising kids who are not mine.  I want to be a grandmother, not a surrogate mother.  If the spirit moves me, I want to get up and go in my kitchen and make something.  Or clean something.  Or stare at the freaking walls if that’s what I feel like doing.  I want to put my pj’s on at seven pm and watch television in the loft, or downstairs, instead of being holed up in my bedroom, recluse-like.

I am becoming bitter and I hate feeling this way.  I’m not enjoying my life.

I want to be able to spend time, alone, with my husband without having to leave our own home to do so.  We have to make up excuses to leave the house to get our bearings, to get quiet time, to get to sit next to one another uninterrupted.  It’s to the point we’d rather not be at home.  How sad is that??

Rant over!

Thanks for listening, I feel better already!

Other things in my life:  My podiatrist has referred me to a vascular surgeon for a diabetic eval.  He said it’s only because I should have a yearly vascular exam because I am diabetic.  I’m not sure what to expect, I’ve got to Google it to find out, I suspect.  I do know I have to drink lots of water this week, as my appointment is next week and there will be some kind of ultrasound, and they said they want me well hydrated.  I also have my yearly diabetic eye exam next week.  I hate having my eyes dilated – I can’t see properly for hours and hours afterward.

I am knitting a very beautiful, full of awesomeness sweater for myself.  I rarely knit anything for myself, but I saw this sweater and fell in love.  I had to knit 13 inches of simple, but tiresome stockinette stitch, and it seemed like it took forever.  Now I have another five inches of “ss” setting up pleats on the same panel.  Ugh.  One hundred seventy-six stitches back and forth – so boring!  I just want to get to the fun part – cables!

I’m itching to get out and work in the gardens.  I should get some seeds started indoors in the next few days.  I’ve got some branches that need trimming, too.

I think breakfast is finally finished downstairs, so I need to go get some lunch …. while I can.  Yeah, her breakfast is my lunchtime.

Misty Water Colored Memories ….. January 10, 2014

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Something jogged my memory, and I was thinking about when the boys were little.  I remember teaching them to play baseball.  How I love baseball!  I grew up watching my own brothers play, summer after summer spent at the ball parks.  I never threw a fit about having to go watch another game, I was the first one in the car, wishing everyone else would hurry up!  I made friends at the ball park.  I got crushes, and was crushed on.  I had my favorite players – I’m still prone to catchers!  I used to get those gigantic pickles for a nickel.  Oh man, I wish I could relive those summers.  But I digress.   I was talking about my boys and got sidetracked, there.  I wish the boys had continued to play ball after we left North Carolina, because I surely missed watching them play!

I was remembering things like “Dad’s not home, let’s have popcorn for dinner!”  and walking down the street to go fishing with Blaine.  We used chicken parts or corn for the most part, because I didn’t have the stomach for hooking a live worm or cricket.  He would do it though, on the rare occasion we had live bait.  The other two boys weren’t much into the fishing like Blaine and I were.  Sometimes they’d come along, but they got bored quickly.  I can’t ever recall The Hub going fishing with us.

The fishing got me to thinking (Yeah, I was thinking for quite some time – roll with it) about things my boys and I have in common.  I have always thought they followed more after their Dad, The Hub, but the older they get, the more I see “Me” coming out in them.

All three don’t mind cooking.  (Not that The Hub can’t wield a spatula, he has a few specialties!)  I have to say, Blaine makes a pretty awesome gumbo!  Bryce just cooked up a pot of chili.  Brock, well, he’s not quite as adventurous in the kitchen, but he cooks every night for the kids.  I have often said “A recipe is a mere suggestion to me,” because I will change it up to suit my taste.  Bryce does the same.  All five of us have the “Larsen Secret Salsa” recipe, and all of us make it slightly differently.  Brock prefers to use a red onion.  Bryce makes his “Greener” than the rest of us.  I make the hottest salsa.  So, yeah, they got my love for experimentation in the kitchen.

Blaine, Brock and I love photography.  Blaine often gives me tips he comes across.  Brock and I catch the sunsets together often to take pictures.  Brock gave me great tips from his photography class last semester.

We all love the weather.  You’ll catch us outdoors during torrential downpours, because it’s just freaking awesome.  Besides, we are usually trying to take pictures!  Ha!  Hail?  Dust storms or haboobs? Inclimate weather of any kind?  Blaine and I will be texting about it for sure!

I don’t know the reason for this post, or where it’s going.  I’m just writing.

Growing up, all I ever wanted to be was a mother.  I wanted daughters.  I wanted hair bows and patent leather shoes and dressy dresses with “Fancy pants.”  I was delivered three amazing sons, though, and really, it’s a good thing.  I don’t know how I would have ever survived having daughters.  I don’t remember screeching and carrying on like the girls do these days.  It drives me insane.  The powers above must have been looking out for me to have blessed me with three boys.

I wouldn’t trade them in for anything.

SINGLE FAMILY Dwelling December 29, 2013

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I live in a single family dwelling.   I think.   It was not designed for housing two families.  However,  for the past six years it has housed two families. There’s back story, of course.

So, Brock has a new wife. They met online and were talking for about 8 months. She was in another country working on her dissertation. When the semester was up she came back here to meet him for the first time in person. She was supposedly going to stay with a friend across town, but as per usual, a glitch arose. Said friend moved to some other state (out of the blue) the weekend of Faith’s arrival. We stipulated many, many times, over and over again, we were NOT moving another individual into this household. Don’t care if you are married or not, we can NOT fit another person in this house.

GUESS WHAT???

Yeah. Another person in the house. “It will just be a few weeks until we can get a place.” We’re working on the third month now. I’m so over empty promises and feeling pushed out of my own home by non rent paying, mostly ungrateful offspring.

It’s so difficult sharing the kitchen, especially, and even more so, because it’s the holiday season. If it were Nicole, I could say “Get yer ass outta my kitchen, I need to be in there,” and she’d laugh and move on out. However, I do not know the new wife very well (They got married on 11-12) so I can’t really say anything. It would be one thing if she got in there and made a sammy, sat down and ate … but every meal is a freaking production and (I am NOT exaggerating) takes nearly an hour and a half OR MORE to completion. If that’s not bad enough … she eats every two hours. Can you say “Momma is banished from her own kitchen?” The kitchen is not big enough for two people to be in there creating two different meals. Hell, it’s barely big enough for one person to create a meal. Heh, I jest, but only a tad.

I’m not done bitching yet.

Before she moved in, we barely had enough room in the fridge. (See “three extra faces to feed” in my SINGLE FAMILY dwelling.) Now it’s come down to my food being thrown away. I had lovely leftover salad in there that was my dinner when everyone else was having pizza. Tossed in the trash. Grrrr. I imagine there wasn’t enough room for her case of special yogurt, the tiny bottles of drinkable cultures, or her lactose free milk. I’m sorry. If you need more space, feel free to buy yourself a new fridge and plug it in on the back porch!! Don’t toss my stuff out, I’m Not Done Eating It, thankyouverymuch. Leave my pantry alone, too. If you feel the need to put your never-ending organizational skills to work I suggest you go GET YOUR OWN PLACE. Thanks, too, for taking over my veggie basket on the counter so I can’t even use it for MY veggies. Much appreciated.

Am I bitter? Hell yes, you bet your pretty pink frilly tutu, I am bitter.

I didn’t want her to move in here in the first place. I think, under different circumstances, I would be dealing with this better – say – the house they were living in had burned to the ground. Being forced to live with someone you don’t even know on the spur of the moment was unfair, and Brock should have never put us on the spot. Don’t get me wrong, she is a lovely young lady. Sweet, has a good sense of humor, and she is helpful. I just don’t want to live with her. Or Brock. Or the grandkids. It’s TIME. Time to move on, get out, get on your own and take responsibility for your kids, your wife, your life.

I want him to buy his own coffee, and see how quickly he goes from 4 pots of coffee a day down to one, because that shit is expensive; but honey badger don’t care, because Mommy and Daddy dearest foot that bill. I want him to buy his own laundry detergent, and dryer sheets, and see how fast the three loads a day gets reduced to three every three days. (OK, I may have exaggerated that a bit, I don’t really think they do wash EVERY day. But most days!) I want him to buy his own ketchup, mustard, soy sauce and spices. I want him to be shocked by the electric and water and gas bills – and then have to pay them all.

I had a major emotional breakdown a few days ago. I felt horrible for how I was feeling about his little family. I’ve just gotten to the point that I am tired of them living here, tired of footing the bills, and helping raise grandchildren that I should be enjoying … not raising. It was one of those sobbing-so-hard-you-can’t-breathe-or-talk breakdowns. I shouldn’t dread being in my own home. I’ve taken to basically staying locked up in my bedroom now that Christmas is over and I don’t have “things” needing to be done.

I was going to apologize for being a bitch, for hiding from life in my bedroom, but it’s been six years. I’m tired. So very, very tired. I’ve earned the right to bitchiness. At least for the time it’s taken me to write this.

Rant over.

New rant …. wth is up with wordpress?  The punctuation is all “Off.”  Gone are the double spaces I tapped in after periods and single spaces after commas.  I’m too tired to sit here and fix every missing space.    I want to see things as I have typed them!  Rant over.

Wedding Palooza and Family Reunion November 13, 2012

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So, we flew to Atlanta last Thursday for my neice’s wedding (which in turn created a family reunion) and might I add, who knew Atlanta was so freaking cold in November??  I guess I am truly a Phoenician now.  I froze my hind end off from the moment we debarked the plane.  Sigh.  Does this mean I will have to stay in the sunny southwest for the rest of my life?

Anyhoo – it was so amazing to be with all the brothers and my baby sister.  Yeah, I still think of her as 18, but she’s almost 47.  I felt such love the entire time.  I wanted to cry, also, because we all live so far apart we rarely are able to gather in the same location very often.  It’s been 15 years since we were all able to be together.  T’was a bit strange for my parents, since they’ve been divorced nearly 30 years.    I missed having my kids and grands with us, also.  They would have had a blast.

The wedding was beautiful, but the venue needed my professional savvy … (Bahaha)  I mean, seriously, it’s a wedding venue.  There are guests (AND BRIDES for Pete’s sake) who wear heels.  Have you ever tried walking through 2-3 inch gravel in high heels?  (Let me clarify that … the rocks were 2-3 inches in size, and it was probably 2-3 inches, deep.  Would that make it 2-3 inches, squared?) I was honestly fearing I would break my ankle.  I mentioned to one older gentleman, as he watched me teeter through the rocks “Gosh, it’s hard to walk through rocks with heels on,” to which he replied, “I don’t even wear heels and I can’t walk through it!”  Heh.  The entire estate was paved with the rocks, with the exception of the, uh … back forty (?) behind the barn, which was sod, but, and I am not exaggerating, there were divots and holes and dips and ankle breaking craters all over the place.  I had to have assistance (Where are the Boy Scouts when you need them??) just to change positions for the photo shoots.  My poor mother, who is unsteady on her feet as it is, should have had someone carry her around.  I know she was probably fearing a broken hip.  I think she fears a broken hip every waking moment of every day, but, it was justified at the wedding venue.

The owner of the property, who deemed herself “THE WEDDING PLANNER” after they booked the venue, was, in my opinion, nothing more than the property owner.  She knew we’d be arriving a few hours before the rehearsal to set up the reception area in prep for the wedding.  None of the tables, tablecloths or chairs were in place.  She couldn’t haul the hay bales that were to be the backdrop for the ceremony, because – Hello!  She’s allergic to hay.   Hmmm…. how can you say it’s a provided service then?  One of the groomsmen luckily had a truck and offered to bring it up.  There were three rooms for the reception, and she had the caterers, DJ and bartenders in the wrong rooms.  Too late to change anything, but the bride and her mother just let it roll off their backs (After we all bitched and moaned about it) and a great time was had by all.

My lovely Hub officiated at the wedding.  It’s hard being a minister’s wife when you have a potty mouth like I do.

I’m back home now, still endlessly searching for a job.  I got a call back Saturday evening, during the wedding, so I missed the call.  I have to call them back today.  First actual call back I’ve gotten since I started applying to jobs in late July.  “Medical coders are in such demand!” my recruiter said.  “I will have you working in 10 days.”  Then why can’t I find a job?  I actually have two recruiters from two firms, both saying I have an enviable resume and experience.  I’m not really too stressed about it – I know I will find the perfect job – the stars are just waiting to align or something.  I hope it’s not a “Once in a blue moon when the stars are just so and Haley’s comet passed by the great divide on a Tuesday in January” kind of thing, though.

I can’t believe Thanksgiving is nine days away and all I have is a turkey so far.  I think it’s nine days away.  I haven’t even looked at the calendar to see.  We (The minister and I) have decided we are going small this year.  Only one dessert.  Only one side.  Ok, maybe two.  He said I didn’t even have to make my infamous dinner rolls.  I think there’d be a mutiny if I didn’t though, so I will sneak those in.  I should make the dough today and freeze it, that way it will be done.  He’s dead tired of me doing all the work and no one else pitching in.  Except Clone.  He will help with the dishes.  He’s such a good boy!

Speaking of Clone – The youngest son – we went up to bring him Hub’s old cell phone weekend before last since he broke his.  He is so gaunt and pasty white it scares me.  He just got promoted to full time at work, and he is in school full time, so he basically works 8-14 hour shifts at night, sleeps and studies with little time for anything else.  He looks skeletal.  His cheeks are sunken in.  Breaks my tiny little heart, it does.

I am, however, mostly ready for Christmas.  I’ve been wrapping a few presents every week since August, but I took a break for a few weeks because I am bored with it already.  I pretty much have all the gifts bought, with the exception of my father/step mother and I need one more for my mom.  The hub and I are only buying minimally for each other, as our big gift to each other this year is going to be tiling the entire lower floor.  I rarely buy myself much during the year, but during the holiday sales I always find things for myself when I am ordering presents, so I do buy little “You are AWESOME, you deserve this” gifts.  Haha.  I’ve picked up quite a bit of jewelry this season.  And a veggie steamer.  And a chocolate fountain.

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This is when we arrived at the venue. Before I had to walk through gravel all night in heels. I was smiling. Two minutes later I was not.