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It’s Too Damn Hot to Walk … June 24, 2014

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…but I did anyway.  Ninety six degrees at seven a.m.  Yesterday was just as steamy, but I actually increased my distance and decreased my time by more than two minutes!  I had a coffee date with my BBF (Best boy [that’s a] friend) and I got a later start than I had planned on (Procrastination much?) so I pushed myself fairly hard.  I felt pretty good afterwards, and really good after my cool shower.  Today I only did a little over two miles, instead of nearly 3,5 miles.  I was having trouble breathing (Allergies) and my hips were hurting.

The “Coffee date” was fun.  I brought over a low carb coconut cake (That is FABULOUS, btw) for them to enjoy later. (They live the low carb lifestyle, too.  I wasn’t forcing low carb goodies on them.)   We caught up on all the gossip, moaned and complained about other things, and laughed.  I so love to laugh!  I miss having girls that are friends to laugh with.

I went over to visit with my daughter in law in the evening.  What an eye opener.  We discussed my current adult female housemate (Clearing throat) and the not-so-nice things she has said about me.  One for instance:  Very shortly after she moved into our home AFTER WE INSISTED SHE COULD NOT LIVE HERE, she began throwing things away.  Cleaning the kids’ room – and tossing everything in sight.  My mother happens to buy the girl children very expensive, beautiful clothing, and has asked that they be passed down to the other girl children in the family, because they really are quite lovely and worthy of being passed on.  Well, I got upset when I saw some of those clothes in her “Give to charity” bags.  I voiced my opinion.  You don’t come uninvited into someone’s home and start chucking things out, and I don’t care if you are the Queen of England, it’s NOT RIGHT.  She told my DIL “She gets so upset about things, and I don’t know why.  She only cares about the clothes that she bought – They were old clothes, and USED” (With disgust in her voice.) – which did not sit well with my DIL, because she buys the majority of her daughter’s clothes used, from thrift stores.  Some of them still have the price tag on them, so what’s wrong with that, I ask??  This is a complete and utter mistruth, as it was not the (Ahem, NEW) clothes *I* bought for my granddaughter I was worried about, it was the clothes my mother bought.  Get your facts straight before you start a-bitchin’!!    Argh.  I’m not so sure I even like her, but this, and other info I got, is the icing on the cake.  Have fun buying your new infant clothing, because I certainly won’t be helping you with that. Neither will my mother, after she heard the above story, she also stated she would no longer be buying clothes for the children.  (I told my mom what happened soon after it occurred – I did not call her last night and tattle the story.)  There were other things said, too, that leads me to believe she is a rather deceptive person, and is fond of blowing smoke up people’s asses for entertainment.  We’ll see how far that gets you, princess.  Blow all the smoke you want, I now have my anti-smoke blower in place.  Heh.

Four days until (Maybe three if they leave on Friday – I am not privy to the information, I only get bits and pieces) we get our house back, cause they are moving on out.   We are so excited.  We’ll whisper to each other “__Number of__ days” and have giggle fits.  It’s going to be like a honeymoon for us.  After 30+ years of marriage we’ll finally be living alone!  It’s a damn good thing we get along.  Hahaha!  I asked The Hub if he had been asked to help move them out, and he said he hadn’t.  I haven’t either, and said I wasn’t so sure I would volunteer my time.  The Hub said “I will, if it gets them out of here faster.”  Please don’t misunderstand.  We love our children, with all our hearts and souls, we just don’t want to live with them any longer.  We feel very taken advantage of in this particular situation.  Moving a stranger into our home is not easy, especially a female stranger.  I’m not such ball of fun when forced to do something I am averse to.   I also don’t play well with others in my kitchen.  I acknowledge, and own, that I have not made things easy for this houseguest.  I didn’t want her to be here.  Yep, I have been a bitch at times.  My DIL said last night that my kitchen is the heart of our home, and that I spend many hours there doing what I love to do – cooking, trying new low carb recipes, even my crafting involves use of the kitchen.  To be unable to utilize my own home due to someone else being in my kitchen for literally hours on end has not been a pleasant experience.  I am so very, very ready to start this next, new phase of our lives.  Heaven forbid they can’t make it out on their own.  They won’t be welcome back, sad to say.

I’m still on that ugly plateau of weight loss.  I literally cannot eat any less, as I don’t eat a whole lot as it is.  I eat my required number of carbs per day (One carb serving per meal, one before bed) along with as much protein as I can manage to stuff down my gullet.  I drink well over 64 ounces of water per day.  I only have a diet soda once or twice a month.  I am pushing myself in the exercise department, too.  Why this never-ending plateau??  I’m tired of being stuck.  I’m not giving up, I’m just frustrated.  Any suggestions??  Could I not be eating enough?

Rant O’ the Day:
I don’t think one should spend hours on end declaring someone “Ugly” and “Fat,” especially if the declaring is being done to someone who is obese and, in my case, not so lovely to look at, either.  Saying “Not fat like you, you have curves” is not an acceptable qualifier.  I’m FAT.  I know it, I don’t try to deny it, and I am MUCH heavier than the person you are calling fat!!  Like … one of me is equal to two of her.  Look, if you “Don’t want to talk about her” because “It upsets me too much,” then don’t bring up the subject.  Really, you have no right to speak about her, anyway.  She was before your time.  She’s never “Done” anything to you.  You’ve never even met her.  You didn’t live the life – we all did, when she was in our lives.  When those around you are trying to change the subject, and do so successfully, don’t return to the subject time and time again.  Your insecurities are showing.  In all their nakedness, they are showing.  It’s not very flattering.  Yes, NONE of us like her.  None of us like to talk about her.  STOP TALKING ABOUT HER!!   Until the time that we become perfect, let’s not talk about those who are imperfect.  Thank you.  That is all.

 

 

 

Sometimes, You Can’t Turn it Off June 19, 2014

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I slept poorly last night.  My mind just would not shut off.  Every time I was on the verge of drifting off, my thoughts would wake me up.  When I finally did fall asleep, every hour had me waking up to go to the bathroom.   I guess that’s one of the consequences of drinking over 128 ounces of water every day. 

Anyhoo, my thoughts were troubled.  This would be okay if I actually had a reason to be worried.  In the throes of sleepiness, though,  the mind plays nasty tricks.  I had to go in for my bloodwork today, for my diabetes check up on 1 July.  I also needed to schedule a mammogram,  remember to pick up my insulin at the pharmacy, and also have bloodwork done for Celiac’s Disease for my GI doc.  I was afraid I was going to forget something.  I hate forgetting things!  Yeah, I forgot the paperwork to have my celiac’s bloodwork done.  That’s ok, though, I’ll have it done when I go in for my check-up.  It’s really not a big deal, even if I had forgotten more than a piece of paper – so I wish I had not been awake all night (wasting my time) worrying.  I was almost in a panic, I was so worried.  I’m tired!

Normally, my fasting glucose is on the high (Ok, sometimes very high) side.  It’s got to do with carb load, and if one does not consume carbs every five hours, your liver will make sure to release about six times as much sugar as your body needs, raising your blood sugar exponentially.  This won’t make sense unless you are versed in how diabetes affects your body, but I need to eat a carb before bed, else my sugars will be high in the morning.  Because I had to fast for my bloodwork, I couldn’t eat my nightly carb, and was therefore concerned about how high my sugars would be this morning.  To my surprise, they were actually very low this morning.  Too low.  Eat something right away, low.  I was shocked.  Even when I tested upon arriving home, they were only 81.  Because my sugars were so very low, I was weary of driving to the hospital.  I was so shaky.  (I just wanted a cup of coffee!!) I made it there in one piece, but of course forgot to bring my snack, to jump up my sugars after my lab work.  It sucks being forgetful! 

I’m so anxious to get my lab results.  We’ve been on this new eating lifestyle since February.  Hub’s HbA1c dropped a full point at his last appointment, two weeks ago.  I’m hoping to do as well with my own HbA1c.  I don’t think I will drop a whole point, like he did, but I am expecting a drop, nonetheless.

I’m still walking, and I’ve surpassed the three mile mark each day.  Yay!  On Tuesday I actually jogged a short distance, twice, during my walk,  I not only increased my distance, but decreased my time.  Yesterday was a very difficult walk.  I woke with hip pain, and was unsure I would even be able to get out the door.  Then, as I put on my walking shoes (which are, by the way, literally falling apart at the seams now) I discovered a blister, which my shoe so conveniently rubbed open.  It’s amazing to me, such a little bitty thing can hurt so dang much!  I walked anyway.  I walked through the pain in my hips, and that of my toe.  I increased my distance, too.  I paid for it dearly later that evening, though.  I could barely get up off my chair!  The muscles in my legs were so tight.  I’ve been doing warm up and cool down stretches.  I’m not sure what else to do.

I think I’m going to attempt all handmade gifts for Christmas this year.  (Mostly knitting or hand made jewelry) and I need to get started on the knitting.  I have the yarn, and the patterns – I just need to get going.  I’ve currently got two works on the needles, though, big projects, and I’d like to finish at least one of them before I start another. 

Rant o’ the Day:
It’s about me, all about me, this time.  I’m sick to death of going to the doctor.  Since January, I have had more than 29 doctor/dentist visits (Admittedly, only one to the dentist).  I stopped counting at 29, and that was in early May.   Podiatry, GI docs, Vascualar surgeon appts, general appts (Diabetes, numerous for pneumonia), x-rays, lab work,  It’s not going to end anytime soon, either.  I have three scheduled in July, already.  One in August. One in October.  I need my dental cleaning, so that will be thrown in the mix, too.  The thing is – I’m generally healthy!  Aside from the pnuemonia, I haven’t been sick at all!  They are yearly check-ups that turn into multiple procedures (The whole venous insufficiency procedures thing.)  Why do I have to be such a medical mess?  Why have I been so loyal to this new eating lifestyle that is supposed to normalize your blood sugars and allow you to lose weight?  My sugars are wackadoodle.  I lost weight on the first phase, but 6 weeks in to the second phase I have not lost any weight.  I have not cheated, not even one tiny bit.  I exercise at least five days a week – even through the pneumonia, I only missed two days – one because it was an extremely high pollution day and those with lung conditions were advised to stay indoors, the other was at the height of my pneunmonia and I simply could not breathe that day.  I have worked harder, adding speed, hand weights, distance – and I see no pay off.  I’m seriously afraid to mention my hip pain to my doc, because I a.) I don’t want to start another round of visits to a new doctor b.) I am afraid of what the problem really is.  It could be as simple as needing a new mattress, or arthritis – but what if it’s something like my hip is disintigrating?  Ugh.  It wouldn’t be something simple with me, it never is.  Even my mother says I’m “Medically difficult, and always have been.”  Sigh.  By the way, I highly doubt I have Celiac’s disease.  I just did fourteen weeks wheat/grain free, and my symptoms were still the same.  More unnecessary tests.  Why can’t doctors just LISTEN to their patients?  I told her this, yet I still have to be tested.  Double sigh.  Rant over. 

I’m going back to eating my seaweed snack now.  I’m undecided if I like it or not.  It tastes kinda fishy, but I like the seaweed taste.  I love that it’s only one carb. Heh.

 

I’m SO Over It April 29, 2014

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I’m tired of feeling bitter, resentful and angry.  I don’t know how to change it, without moving out until my house is guest free.  Being this way is not my norm, and it’s wearing me down. 

I’m so over trying to make other people happy, helping and providing.  I spent more money than I should have buying clothes for my granddaughter’s birthday.  Her birthday was nearly three weeks ago, and only once has she worn any of the nice clothes I bought her.   I’m documenting this here – I WILL NEVER BUY HER CLOTHES AGAIN.  EVER.  I’m plumb out of desire to waste my money.  OK, i’m a horrid person for refusing to provide clothing, but why spend the cash if the clothes are relegated to the far end of the closet by my daughter in law?  Ugh!

I’m hard pressed to be excited about the grandchild on the way.  I feel badly about that, but at this point in time, it only means yet another person being brought into the house.  The Hub doesn’t really want me to buy anything for the new wee one, either.  He said “We already set up his first two kids.”  It really ires us that this whole situation was not well thought out at all.  The actions of our son effect not only him, his new wife and children, but the rest of the family, as well.  He’s constantly needing rides here or there, and to work.  He has no spare money to buy anything for this baby, or INSURANCE for prenatal care.  The damn immigration paperwork was costly at over seventeen hundred dollars, which they had to take out a “Loan” with a credit card.  Her temporary visa expired on the 24th, but supposedly as long as her immigration papers are submitted by that date, she’s OK.  Why did it take six months to submit those??? 

Who the hell is going to pay for the birth of their child???

On to other things.

I had a diabetic check up on the 4th of the month.  All was well there, my HbA1c dropped another few tenths of a point, and I was even taken off one of my diabetes meds.  On that date, I had lost 8 pounds from being on this diabetic diet we are on, but I was also fairly ill with a hacking cough, which occured every time I took a breath.  The doc was more concerned about my O2 sats being 91 than my diabetes, I think.  She ordered a chest x-ray, gave me a breathing treatment (Which only made my O2 sats drop) and sent me on my way.  Seven days later I got a call from her nurse saying I had pneumonia, and please come get a script waiting on me at the pharmacy.   Why did it take a week to notify me??? This was Thursday night at almost 5 pm, and I had EVLT scheduled for my right leg at 8 am Friday morning,  When I got to the vascular surgeon’s office, they canceled the procedure due to the pneumonia.  (Sigh)  The left leg was scheduled for the following Friday, and I did have that done.  (May I just say O.U.C.H.)  So, yesterday I went back to the doc for my follow up, and I still have pneumonia!!  Another chest xray, some labwork, and more meds.  Oh, and I lost 8 more pounds!

I’m still walking every week day morning.  I love being outdoors!  There are some really awesome birds at the park, too!  A great blue heron, and a water fowl I saw this morning that I need to research – it was beautiful!

 

 

He’s Dying July 9, 2010

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Doc K texted me yesterday and told me that the patient I mentioned in my last post was dying, and it was time for me to pray.  Well, I ALWAYS pray for him, and had been praying especially hard since I visited with him on Wednesday.  Now I am left to wonder if I should pray for survival or a peaceful passing?  He hasn’t wanted to live since his wife died a few years ago.  There’s nothing he looks forward to.  He has no children.  I think he’s ready to die, and really, he’s been ready for quite some time. 

I believe that I will pray that he comes back to me in his next life, so we can be friends once again.  It’s so sad, and I have to keep myself from crying about him every time he crosses my mind.   He wouldn’t want me to cry, though.  He’d just want me to go on with my life and forget all about him. 

I won’t ever forget him, though.

Today is a big day in our household.  My husband won civilian of the quarter out at his job on the base, and won a ride in an F-16!  Today is the big day!  I’m going to go out and take pictures of him (In his sexy flight suit!!) with the plane, and in the cockpit before they take off.  He’s like a school kid on his first day of summer vacation.  He’ll be grinning from ear to ear.  I get butterflies for him when I think about it!

I have started my second round of HCG for weight loss.  The first time I took it for 43 days and only lost 20 pounds (Well, thirty if you count the ten pounds in water weight I lost, too) and I was a little dissapointed that was all I lost.  I lost it all in the first 2.5 weeks, then … nothing.  I had read somewhere that the HCG program might not work as well for people who are on insulin (Hey, that’s me!) so I was not expecting to lose as much weight as the patients in our practice have lost.  (We have one patient who has lost 100 pounds in 4 rounds!)  This time, however, I’m doing stellar!  I started the diet on Monday and I have lost 8 pounds so far!  Yay!  I’m really excited about losing the weight, and I didn’t gain any weight back in the interim between the two courses, either.  I have to eat low carb for my diabetes, so it’s not like I have a huge caloric intake on a daily basis, anyway.  (As a matter of fact, I’ve been told I don’t eat ENOUGH.) 

This time, though, I am only doing a 23 day course, then taking a two week break, then continuing with the rest of the round.  If I continue to lose at this rate (And I am not going to bank on that, though it would be wonderful should that happen) I will be at or below my goal weight.  Right now I weigh  less than I did in high school, though childbirth and “Older age” have totally changed the shape of my body.  I think I looked better back then, of course, but if I get to my goal weight I should be pretty happy with the resulting body.  I’m really psyched!

I’ve been exercising daily in the pool using a form of resistance (A rubber ball) for my arms, and doing many, many leg kicks.  I tread water for a time, which is one of the best calorie burning exercises you can do.  The exercising really makes me ache while I am doing it, but I never hurt the next day.  I’m not sure if that means it’s not doing me any good, or if “Water aerobics” is just a kinder, gentler means of excercise.      As soon as I garner up a few milk jugs I will be using those in the pool as “Weights,” to help with my arm toning.  Hints, tips, ideas for water exercise are welcome.  C ‘mon, don’t be shy!

Gun is home for the weekend, and since Bub has moved their bed into his room, he’s grounded to sleeping on the couch.  Poor thing.  The grandkids were up at five thirty this morning, totally voiding out my (and Gun’s) morning “Quiet time.”  I tend to get up extra early just for that quiet time.  Didn’t get any of that this morning.  Sigh.

I forgot to mention I am trying phentermine for the first week or so that I’m on the diet.  I was so paranoid about taking it, I waited until I got to work yesterday before I swallowed my first pill.  (You know, just in case I was going to have any major problems with it, I’d be at work … with a DOCTOR!  Haha!)  Oh.  My.  Heavens.  I am loving this stuff.  I could hardly sit down all afternoon, got a lot done around the house, even though I should have been laying/sitting down with my foot elevated.  (More on that in a minute.) 

Yeah, I am usually so anal about my medical appointments, I think about them for days before, to ensure I don’t forget to go to the appointment.  I was thinking my podiatrist appointment was next Wednesday.  So I am sitting at work, and my phone alerts me of an appointment.  I had ten minutes to get across town to my appointment.  Impossible in Phoenix to get down the block in ten minutes, much less across town!  I managed to get there in 15 minutes, though – someone was watching over me and gave me all green lights on the way) and ended up sitting in the waiting room (How appropriately that area is named) for a good 15 mnutes before my appointment.  I was only supposed to pick up my new orthotics for my shoes (Talk about feeling OLD) because I have a fallen bone in one foot, and plantar fibromytosis in the other, the inserts will help with the pain, and keeping a callous from forming under the fallen bone.  He actually cut out the callous again this visit – no anesthesia – because it had grown so much in the past three weks that it was painful to walk again.  Last time I didn’t feel any pain when he cut it out, but this time?   Ouch!  He dug a little deeper and my foot bled for a few hours afterward.  I think I left the top of my head n the ceiling of the exam room.  Ah, well, I probably wasn’t using that portion of my brain anyway!

I am wanting to finish the job of shampooing the carpets that I started yesterday (Because I was cleaning the new bbq grill grates and dropped one on the carpet, leaving several black, greasy spots … they came out, thank goodness) but Gun is still asleep on the couch, so that option is null and void.  I suppose it’s going to have to wait until after the F-16 flight, now.